11/07/2009 12:58 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Congressmen Admit They No Longer Remember Which Health Care Bill They Are Voting On

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - A new wrinkle has complicated the eleventh-hour attempt to pass a health care reform bill in Congress as a growing number of congressmen came forward today to admit that they no longer remember which bill they are voting on.

"Maybe I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can't for the life of me remember whether this is the bill I liked or the bill I despised," said Rep. Rand DeVane (D-OH). "I'm only human."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) was reportedly working around the clock to remind congressmen which bill they were voting on, but according to one aide, "Quite frankly, she's not entirely sure, either."

Memory lapses among members of congress are not uncommon, according to Professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota's School of Government: "A lot of these people can't remember if they had affairs, either."

In other news, a new poll of anti-health care protesters shows that they are really angry about not getting laid. More here.