Exhausted, Thompson Quits Race

Saying that he was "totally exhausted and drained," former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson withdrew from the race for the Republican presidential nomination today.

Mr. Thompson's move surprised supporters and rivals alike, since the Tennessean had announced his candidacy less than one week earlier.

But in his announcement, Mr. Thompson made it clear that the "punishing" schedule of a presidential candidate was not to his liking: "I am putting in seven, sometimes eight-hour days, and that is not what I signed up for."

When asked when he began having second thoughts about his decision to run for president, the former senator replied, "I'd say half-way through my announcement on the Leno show -- I could definitely feel myself fading."

The erstwhile candidate said that his week on the campaign trail made him long for his days as an actor on the NBC series "Law and Order."

"We'd find out that there was a murder and bam, an hour later it was quittin' time," he said.

Davis Logsdon, chairman of the political science department at the University of Minnesota, offered this comment on Mr. Thompson's surprising decision: "This should end the debate over whether Fred Thompson is 'lazy like a fox' or just plain old lazy."

For his part, Mr. Thompson scoffed when a reporter asked if he was departing the race to spend more time with his family.

"Oh, please, that's even more exhausting than running for president," he said. "Right now I just want a nap."

Elsewhere, President Bush hailed General David Petraeus' Iraq report card, saying, "It's better than any report card I got at Yale."

Andy Borowitz appears with Arianna Huffington and Mo Rocca at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on Wednesday Nov 7 at 8 PM. For tickets go to 92y.org.

Comments

[mistrunner]

thats a lie fred thompson will win in a landslide

[shodan2020]

The 7 to 8 hour days are only until you get elected! As our current president has shown, once you get in office you can vacation as much as you like!

[dadw5boys]

When Fred announced he was running for some reason that old song by THIN LIZZY popped into my head.
"THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN".

[Doofus]

I'm sure he'll be urging all of his delegates to vote for...

Paul/Kucinich - Tag Team 2008 - Their Time has Come!

[MrJoyboy]

Frequent naps never stopped Reagan from playing the role of President.

[cynara]

And personally, I wish G. Bush would nap more. Everything that man does is destructive to the nation, so the less he does the better. War with Iran? I say G. Bush naps on it - until the next pres. inaguration.

[NoContest]

Thompson is a 6'5" bag of bones, barely moving, just forced along by gravity.

Imagining this guy as a President of America is like imagining George W. Bush or Ronald Regan as President. But in his favor, "He ain't no church-goer."

~

[Fairfloss]

So you are also imagining him serving two terms, if I read you correctly? I wonder who you are imagining his VP will be? I say Duncan Hunter or just for political reasons, Michael Steele of Maryland.

Church-goer? That should not be an issue. Mosque-goer, would that be an issue?

What say you, friends?

[JoAnnCr]

Thank God.

John Edwards was whipping his behind in the match up polls anyway.

He has no chance against Edwards who is a smart and tireless pit bull. Even the wimp Giuliani can't keep up with Edwards who consistently runs him over in the Match up Polls.

Elizabeth Edwards has more energy than Thompson and Giuliani combined.

[JoAnnCr]

From Rasmussen Reports:

The Rasmussen data shows Senator John Edwards leading Mayor Guiliani by 8% and Senator McCain by 4%. Edwards held more substantial leads over former Senator Thompson (14%) and former Governor Romney (11%).

http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/head_to_head_presidential_match_ups_remain_close

[JoAnnCr]

Rasmussen on Obama and Clinton from same article:

Looking at the Rasmussen trial heats between Senator Clinton and each of the leading Republican candidates, one finds that she trails Mayor Guiliani by a narrow 3% (well within the margin of error) and leads former Senator Fred Thompson by 4% (just outside the margin of error) and leads Senator John McCain by 2% (well within the margin of error as well). Her only substantial lead was 11% over former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney.

Senator Barack Obama was in a statistical tie with Mayor Guiliani (trailing by 1%) and held a narrow lead over former Senator Thompson (4%). His lead was wider, but still single digits over Senator McCain (6%) and former Governor Romney (9%).

[daniel155]

But Edwards has no chance of winning the Democratic nominations.

[daniel155]

An LA Times poll shows Clinton leading Edwards 28-23 in Iowa,35-16 in New Hampshire, and 35-7 in South Carolina. Clinton has about $35 million cash on hand compared to Edwards' $13 million. Edwards has been constantly running since 2003 and polls at something like eleven percent nationally. If he has not gained ground in four years what is he going to do to turn it around in four months? Also, he has to do this while being outspent by both Clinton and Obama.

Not too promising.

[JoAnnCr]

...unless the Democrats want to pick a person who can beat the Republicans.

[azpaull]

Fun stuff, Mr. Borowitz. You deserve a nap, too.

[coonce]

This is good. Hope it gets reprinted and talked about on The Daily Show or Colbert report.