Facebook to Co-sponsor War on Terror

After successfully sponsoring several of the presidential debates, Facebook is spreading its wings once more, announcing today that it would become the official co-sponsor of the U.S.'s war on terror.

In snagging the coveted anti-terrorism sponsorship, the popular networking site beat out two of its rivals, MySpace and YouTube, who had also vied to co-sponsor the global struggle against Islamic extremism.

While the announcement of the collaboration between the Defense Department and Facebook took many in diplomatic circles by surprise, some intelligence experts characterized the move as a win-win for both partners.

"For Facebook, being named co-sponsor of the war on terror adds to the prestige and luster of their brand," said Tracy Klujian, editor-at-large for Antiterrorism Monthly. "For the Defense Department, teaming up with Facebook makes the war on terror seem hip and fun."

At a press conference at the Pentagon, Defense Secretary Robert Gates explained how the U.S. intended to use Facebook to fight terror: "Right now, we have thousands of bad guys out there who are addicted to jihad. We want to get them addicted to Facebook instead."

Starting this week, Gates said, Facebook will roll out two new quizzes which it hopes will be popular among potential terrorists: "Are You a Jihadist?" and "What Supervillain Are You?"

Mr. Gates said that by signing up thousands of jihadists to the social networking site, Facebook is hoping to net the biggest fish of all: Osama bin Laden.

"If bin Laden starts wasting as much time on Facebook as most Americans do, al Qaeda is finished," he said.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[Larenzo]

09:19 PM on 02/05/2008

Uh....war on terror....the warmongers needed a replacement for the commie thing to piss away trillions of dollars on "defense." The 9-11 thing was engineered by the dubya regime. Expect another attack before the Nov election so martial law can be declared and elections suspended. Nuff said....

[DemandTruth]

08:48 PM on 02/05/2008

Oh, Andy! You're so good that people think you're legit! Or maybe the comments are all satire too, and I'm just drunk :)

Still, I always enjoy.

[Evidence]

03:30 PM on 02/05/2008

Its good marketing for both parties, but nothing substantive will come out of this partnership obviously.

The war on terror is a joke anyways, just like Facebook.

[PhillyQuaker]

02:42 PM on 02/05/2008

Reminds me of when Elvis was an honorary member of the DEA

[JayCe]

02:25 PM on 02/05/2008

This is a sick country. "War on Terrorism" is a neocon fright term now being used by a social networking sight as a marketing tool. Who will the sponsors be - Halliburton and Blackwater? There has always and will always be terrorism. What is needed is sound
anti-terrorism policies by sane nations - not eternal "war" for the war profiteering military/industrailists.

[solarfared]

01:40 PM on 02/05/2008

So, did I get that right? Our hopes of catching Bin Laden are now reduced to tracking what web sites he surfs to?

...and jebus wept.

[CoolCal]

01:30 PM on 02/05/2008

It's all well and good for Facebook to try and lend a helping hand in the war on terror, but wouldn't it have suited an operation of this sort better if they hadn't announced it so visibly. This reminds me of Anderson Cooper's alarmist pieces on "if a terrorist were to attack such a place, this is how and when he would do it". With this new advent, they might think of adding certain profile options to appeal to this growing demographic.

Looking for:

Friendship
Relationship
Random Play
Whatever I can get
70 Virgins in the Afterlife

[MHainds]

12:11 PM on 02/05/2008

It beats what Bush has been doing for the last six years.