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FBI Thinking About Monitoring People with First Name "Jihad"

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - With the woman known as "Jihad Jane" making a court appearance today and a woman named "Jihad Jamie" surfacing in Colorado, the FBI is facing increasing pressure to start monitoring people whose first name is "Jihad."

"I don't know why we didn't think of this before," said FBI spokesman Ronald Cartdale. "When someone starts calling herself Jihad This-or-that, it really should set off some alarm bells."

Mr. Cartdale said that the FBI was considering putting together a "Scary Name List" of people whose names might include coded messages that are hostile to the United States.

"For example, it's recently been brought to our attention that there's a gal in Wyoming named Brandi Wantstoblowupamerica," he said. More here.