General Petraeus Limerick Contest Winners

In my last column I reported that Moveon.org was planning a "really mean" limerick about General David Petraeus. According to the story, Moveon had composed the first four lines of the poem, but was stumped about the fifth and last line:

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
(last line here)

Within minutes, readers deluged me with hundreds of submissions offering a last line to Moveon.org's mean limerick. While almost all of the submissions rhymed with "Petraeus" and some of them even made sense, here are the lines that I have forwarded to Moveon.org:

"Get us out before they fillet us."

"Urging private contractors to slay us."

"And when will the world pay us?"

From Shakespeare:

"This doth really dismay us."

From Bob Barker:

"Don't forget to neuter and spay us."

And from Yoda:

"Please remove from this fray us."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He appears with Alec Baldwin, Arianna Huffington and Mo Rocca at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on Wednesday Nov 7 at 8 PM. For tickets go to 92y.org.

Comments

[Querrell]

Right. A way real to end things, not through the gimmick of deity. But I never learned to count. I meant a weak fourth line:

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
That spilled from your crack
Were left there by President Judas.

[manative]

You're a machina without a deus

[Querrell]

Come on. Your third line is weak. Try:

That spilled from your crack
Were left there by President Judas.

[MissingAmerica]

We need some good laughs at this administration in order to survive them. However, to wage a war against Muslims in the name of Christianity defeats the entire purpose of religion. God does not wage war, man wages war. It's amazing that we have spent centuries building destructive weapons, but have spent so little time in learning to live in peace. We need to focus on this administration and its puppets. We need to find a way to neutralize this administration before it does anymore damage to us and the world.

[realitytrumpsbull]

There once was a gal from Nantucket
who(CENSORED IN THE NAME OF COMMON DECENCY ACT OF 2010(retroactive))....

[KRANKY]

1. "With your nose up bush's Ay-yus"

2. "Who did you kill to get all that Bray-us?"

Both of these said redneck southern style.

[MikeDu]

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
...this whole war adventure's disastr-us.

[MikeDu]

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
...so scare folks "Insurgents might slay us!"

[JerryJef]

As Steve Weisert points out, the one who betrayed us is George Bush. Petraeus is just a lacky like Condi and Gonzo.

All this ruckus over the General takes the focus off where it should be all the time--the Evil One in the White House.

It gives the Republicans something to divert the attention of the people onto that is really irrelevant.

Forget about the General. Put the glare on Bush. And keep it there.

[SteveWeisert]

The one who betrayed us was Bush - he started a war with a country with no WMD, no ties to Al Qaeda, no connection to 9/11, and which was not a threat to the US. Petraeus' betrayal, as such, was that he parroted the Bush lines about "success" in certain areas of Iraq, while the country is engaged in a civil war with a non-functioning government.

[milo9]

Truth.

[jingodoz]

Does BobbleHead make a Gen. Petraeus doll? Bush needs one for his desk in the Oval Office.

[Frederic]

... and please save from the stupid hurray us!

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

"... And just for the rhyme: Amadaeus."

[MelFamy]

The decorated general who spoke
is called "warrior" by some as a joke
because he never was there
when bombs burst in air
and was shot by one of his own blokes

[Danibgoode]

Are you really Doctor Zaius?