Hillary Accuses Obama of Bed-wetting
The increasingly contentious race for the Democratic presidential nomination got a little bit nastier today as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) charged that her chief rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), wet his bed when he was a toddler.
Iowans have grown used to displays of testiness on the part of the leading Democratic contenders in recent weeks, but few were prepared for Sen. Clinton's accusation that her surging opponent had been a bed-wetter.
Moments after her campaign released this latest bombshell, Sen. Clinton went to great lengths to show that the bed-wetting incident, while occurring when the Illinois senator was only three years old, was "relevant" to the current presidential campaign.
At a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids, Sen. Clinton said that the alleged bed-wetting incident "should not disqualify" Sen. Obama from the White House, but should make Democrats "think long and hard" about voting for him in next month's caucuses.
"Personally, I don't have anything against having a bed-wetter in the Oval Office," Sen. Clinton said. "But you can be sure that the Republican right-wing attack machine will have a field day with this kind of thing."
At a campaign appearance in Davenport, Sen. Obama brushed off his alleged bed-wetting as an "isolated incident," and added an apparent jab at Sen. Clinton: "I'm not the one who's so scared about this race that I'm peeing myself now."
In response to Sen. Obama's remark, Sen. Clinton later released a statement referring to herself as "rubber" and Sen. Obama as "glue."
Elsewhere, the state of New Jersey banned capital punishment, arguing that living in New Jersey was bad enough.
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts an all-new edition of "Next Week's News" starring Amy Sedaris. John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Christian Finnegan (VH1's Best Week Ever) at Comix on Thursday January 17 at 8 PM. Comix is located at 353 West 14th Street, just east of Ninth Avenue. For tickets, call 212-524-2500 or go to comixny.com. For a $5 discount, use the promotional code ANDY.
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Look, I don't know how fair or dignified it was for H. Clinton to bring up Obama's childhood bed-wetting history. Probably not very.
But now that Obama's history has been exposed, how can any rational American vote this man into the Presidency?
Can we afford to risk any possible recurrance? Imagine our President wetting himself during the inaugeral address. No, don't imagine it.
An incident during an oval office sit down with Putin?
And what about the potential damage to our Camp David, the White House, and even, Airforce 1?
No, no, no. This is dangerous. I call for all Democratic and Republican candidates to go on the record immediately regarding past bed-wetting. We deserve to know the truth before voting.
I'm confused. Is it a choice for juries? Death or life imprisonment in New Jersey?
One Chicago Trib writer said that she was going to accuse him of eating paste next.
Great work as usual, Borowitz.
I suppose she has the piss-stained sheet in storage along with Monica's dress.
He must be a genius if he could write an Essay in Kindergarten and even know about being President of anything. All I could do was draw stick figures and color with big fat crayons.
I wonder what Hillary did in Kindergarten or her sidekick, Bill?
wldnswmmr: Ditto for me.
Does her Hillaryship still carry two cases of Depends on her campaign bus?
Fear and Smear on the campaign trail:
Attacking character is the fun part of the campaign
Kindergarten essay
Drug pusher
Naive
Caucus manipulator
Muslim intent of destroying the US
and now a bed-wetter LMAO
The politics of yesterday, all coming from Hillary Clinton.
The genius of these pieces is that they are so pitch perfect, duplicating the typical AP story on the horse race for President but substituting something only slightly more insane than the actual content of what's being parodied. More truth is said in jest. The essential difference between Clinton's "kindergarten" remarks and the bedwetting invention is one of only marginal degree, and demonstrate the complete absurdity of modern sound bite politics.
Well shame on him for three weeks!
Why couldn't he be perfect like Hillary, after all she grew up and married superman, and he wears his underpants on the outside, Senator Obama married a perfectly normal lady!
Desperate people say desperate things, I guess!
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