Hillary: Obama Not Ready For Red Phone, But Would Be Awesome Veep

Hillary Clinton's latest game - when she's not busy saying that Barack Obama isn't a Muslim "as far as I know" - is tantalizing supporters with the idea that Obama could wind up as her vice-presidential choice on a so-called Dream Ticket.

It's a genius strategy: Democrats, forced to choose between Hillary and Barack, don't need to choose after all, since they both could run together - as long as Barack is at the bottom of the ticket, of course.

Let's leave aside for the moment the question of why the candidate who has more delegates would somehow be relegated to the vice-presidential slot. That's the kind of Clintonian logic that I'm too unsophisticated to grasp.

Let's focus, instead, on this puzzle:

In her relentless attack ads before the Texas and Ohio primaries, and in public comments since, Hillary has said that Obama is not ready to pick up the "red phone" and serve as Commander-in-Chief. If that's true, why would she imperil the nation by choosing him as her vice-president?

Last time I checked, the vice-president was one heartbeat away from Commander-in-Chief. Which means, if anything should happen to Hillary, Barack Obama would be picking up that darned red phone.

Oops.

Now, before I get accused of misogyny - which seems to be the reflexive response of certain Hillary supporters whenever she is criticized - let me say that her talent for making blatantly contradictory statements without any sense of irony or shame makes her every bit the equal of a man. In this case, the man I'm talking about is Bill Clinton.

(Oddly, Samantha Power's "monster" comment was slammed by some Hillary supporters as being misogynistic, too - kind of a reach, given that it came from a woman. My only beef with Ms. Power is that her comment demonstrated too much restraint. I guess she already used "a problem from hell" to describe something else.)

So let's get back to Hillary's selection of a not-ready-for-red-phone-maybe-a-Muslim as her vice president. Instead of trying to sell us on the Dream Ticket, why doesn't Hillary call her accountant at 3 A.M. and ask him to email her a PDF of her tax returns? Sharing them with us shouldn't be such a big deal. Unless - and this is just a wild guess - is there something in those returns, say, about where her 5 million dollars she loaned herself actually came from, that might torpedo her candidacy?

Not as far as I know.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Comments

[CharlotteNH]

"It's a genius strategy: Democrats, forced to choose between Hillary and Barack, don't need to choose after all, since they both could run together - as long as Barack is at the bottom of the ticket, of course."
Genius, no - disingenuous, yes. The Clinton campaign made a huge tactical error by running Hillary as the "incumbent" and not having a strategy after Feb. 5th. Now, even though she is trailing in both pledged delegates and the popular vote, she is again spinning reality by implying that she would be willing to put Barack second on the ticket - such arrogance!
Samantha Power goes (as Hillary demanded) but Wolfson stays? I'd much rather be called a "monster" than "Ken Starr-ish".
When is the media going to take Hillary to task about her experience. Unless she is willing to release her tax return, her papers etc. from her eight years as First Lady, and elaborate on her 35 years of experience, that argument should be disqualified.

[SShaw490]

Great post, Andy. I particularly loved the idea of Hillary calling her accountant at 3 AM and asking him to email her a PDF of her tax return. While he's at it, have him include one of Bill's donor list to his charities. I'm not questioning where the charity money went or whether the charities are good things - I'm just kind of wondering who all may have donated large sums of money to them and who might have an expectation of future access to the highest levels of governmental power in the future. I'd say that's a reasonable request. After all, those donors have to get statements at the end of each year showing how much they gave - it shouldn't be too hard to compile those statements into a report of who gave how much.

[Silpat]

This would in fact be a "Dream Ticket" for McCain because if Obama becomes Hillary's VP (not likely of course), McCain will play sound bites over and over again of her calling Obama inexperienced and unfit to be "Commander­-in-Chief"­. LOL

[charley0008]

Dear Andy;
I liked your quick note, it was a good one, now let your Auntie Charley tell you what is really happening:
This new Clinton chatter is indeed a clever albeit very cynical (and I would suggest dishonest) strategy and it is all smoke, mirrors and super delegates. She cannot win without the super delegates, period!
No would dare seat the delegates from Michigan or Florida so it is a do-over or do-nothing option.
But, even if they sat the delegates from Michigan & Florida AS IS - she still does not have enough delegates. In a do-over she can not win enough delegates.
The only way Hillary Clinton can get the nomination is to steal it, with the help of super delegates and high pressure tactics on Obama delegates that will make the last few weeks sound like childs play.
To those who were listening carefully the Clinton camp made no bones about stealing the nomination after Obama won his 11 straight. Andy dear, ignore Michigan and Florida thats a diversion.
They plan to steal his delegates and let the super delegates chose 'the best person for the job" thereafter. So it is all about super delegates and pressure tactics on Obama's delegates (now that they have warmed them up by savaging their candidate) and it is a scam!
It is not super delegates being scammed, it is African American democrats!
You can be sure that there are a lot of super delegates out there that might be willing to play into the scam unless African Americans catch on fast and let it be known that they are not buying into the scam. Remember Andy dear, a Democratic win would be tough indeed without the support of African Americans so it is risky game. (Hillary has a back-up plan though that is why she is campaigning for McCain at the same time. It's her way or the highway! If it ain't her she wants it to be McCain.)
Pointing to the Kennedy/Johnson tickets as a historic precedent about how bitter rivals set aside their differences is all crap - everyone knows that Obama would never accept a Vice Presidency with Hillary Clinton. Al Gore could write the book on the hazards of association with the Clinton's, were he so inclined.
However, I think it is much more fundamental and less political than that; It would go against everything Obama believes in and one of the things I think he genuinely believes in, is that character matters. I also think he was quite prepared to enter this race and accept that he might not win, he was clearly the underdog (and still is, no matter what spin and whining the Clinton camp does.)
But I also think he was both intelligent and thoughtful enough to recognize it had to be this year, not because of him, but because of the readiness of the American people to make fundamental changes in their country on both sides of the aisle.
Now some have argued that this new Clinton strategy is all about calming African Americans while she savages Obama with her pernicious personal attacks on him, even as she appeals to the lowest common denominator; the racist and the "he's a Muslim with an agenda" smear campaigns.
"As far as I know."
But I don't think it is about calming African Americans at all during this primaries a) because I think they have written them off as a inconvenient obstacle, and b) they are so blinded by their own narcissistic belief in their ability to fix everything after the fact, that they are focusing on setting them up instead.
Now, I allow that some maybe right when they say there is another side to this, ( a side-winder so to speak) a means for the Clinton camp to split off some African Americans votes and let them feel good about it, with the 'we will give your 'boy' the second seat, train him up, and then he can run for President' schtik!
Personally I don't think many will buy into that but I could be wrong.
So it is about boxing the African American democrats in, then relying on the super delegates to make them accept that everything that could be done, had been done but Obama declined and there was nothing left to do but accept it and move on to fight the Republicans.
I can hear them now, in sympathetic tones, (the more gifted actors among them will even feign surprise) " He was offered the vice-presidency because Hillary really wants him and we as a party really need him. We really wanted to have them both, we really admire him, he is so talented, so intelligent and so inspirational he could have assured a win over the Republicans - they would have been unstoppable! It would have set him on a clear path to run for President next time, but he declined, so what can we do? (They will skewer him with the )It really is a blow to the party! But for the good of the party, we have to put our disappointment aside and move on. This is bigger than any one of us. So we have to do our best to beat back the Republicans without the 'dream team.' " Yada yada yada..........
OMG Andy, as I write this I can see Bill Clinton with that little quiver in his voice, on the verge of tears, "if I had only known" (like he did in Rawanda after he let 800,000 people die). I can just see him consoling the African American delegates and all else who will listen with his "all my life I have dreamed about voting for an African American." ( The same Bill who out of sight of African Americans will not even call Obama by name!)
So what is next?
You can expect rumors probably just before or right after Pennsylvania (well seeded by the Clinton camp) of private discussions between Obama and Clinton. (Hillary will find some excuse to talk to Obama or perhaps it will be Bill, it could be about the price of rice in China, because it does not matter) The rumor will be all about the beginning of negotiations for a 'dream team ticket' but It will be non-specific and tamped down as very hush, hush. After seeding the rumor expect all in the Clinton camp to deny it!
Got the game now?
That's my boy!
Love
Auntie Charley

[FreedomLoverX]

It's a dream ticket. She's dreaming!

[CaseyBabes]

And we're having the nightmare with her as the central figure.

[Jedi007]

I have an idea that would stop the Democratic Party from destroying itself.

A large group of uncommitted super delegates need to form a pact against negative smear campaigning. They should let both contestants know that there will be consequences for either candidate for damaging the party. They should put together some criteria and keep count of each qualifying smear. When you get to five, you just lost 50 delegates. When you get to ten, you lose another 50.

That would scare both of them straight. Talk about yourself and why we should elect you and not why the other person is bad. We have to win the White House.

[Sloane7]

Andy you're really on a roll. Nicely done.

[KQuark]

Patronizing Obama is not going to get it done Billary.

How mighty white of you.

[darlingdem]

I sure hope Democrats and the media don't fall for this latest nonsense from the Clintons.

Senator Obama DOESN'T NEED to run on a ticket with Hillary. By all measures (pledged delegates, number of states, popular votes), the nomination will eventually be his...assuming the super delegates don't vote against the will of the people and steal the election from the rightful winner. (This would be very hard to take again after the disaster of 2000.)

Clearly, Hillary wants to win the support of the super delegates by making them think she'll agree to have Senator Obama as her VP. And, if that doesn't work, she thinks that Senator Obama will then have no choice but to have her as his running mate...thus positioning her as the heir apparent in 2012 or 2016. Either way, she thinks that she will eventually be given what she believes is her due...to become the first woman president. She's constantly saying "Let's make history together" in her stump speech. Heck, her book is even humbly titled "Living History." I say, GET OVER YOURSELF, HONEY. THIS ELECTION ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Senator Obama could say the same thing...but that's not what drives him.

It's SO obvious that Hillary and Bill can't stand playing second fiddle to any Democrat. The fact that Senator Obama is becoming the standard bearer of the Democratic party is driving them crazy...and is making them more and more desperate. I can only imagine how the Clintons would try to steal the show and undermine his presidency if she were his VP.

More importantly, Hillary (and Bill) are and will always be two of the most polarizing figures in American politics. Why in the world would Senator Obama want Hillary as his VP...when she would be such a drag on the ticket...and when there are others worthier than she could ever be? So many voters can't stand the Clintons...and they've brought this contempt on themselves with their misconduct, lies, shamelessness and scorched earth politics.

No...absolutely NOT. Hillary isn't fit to shine Senator Obama's shoes....much less share the ticket with him. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, Hillary....THAT'S where this is headed. You might as well start getting used to it.

[uheardme]

Youre right. The point is a lot of old White dems, like Clintons, would prefer Black dems to shine their shoes, not run for President.

[Jandie]

Hillary "Rotten" Clinton thinks she is so clever, since she won Ohio/Texas (although only gained about 4/5 delegates), she is now playing cheap psychology by now saying that she is "willing" to put Obama on the VP ticket - WHAT?? She is still losing, she is still behind him by about 130 delegates, she still needs to continue to cheat and continue to lie and keep on stabbing him in the back in order to win.

The three state wins DID NOT give her the lead - she is still a loser and I hope that Obama will never contemplate such a ridiculous notion as to be on the same ticket with her.

[Thad]

"It's a genius strategy: Democrats, forced to choose between Hillary and Barack, don't need to choose after all, since they both could run together - as long as Barack is at the bottom of the ticket, of course."

Of course.

Except that she's obviously hoping that Obama returns the favor in the likelier event that he's the one at the TOP of the ticket.

[keriheb]

The woman is morally, politically, and totally schizophrenic! We have already experienced Bush and his hoard. Enough is enough.

I'll tell you a dream team, McCain/Hillary Clinton! Now that is a dream team. Put them both in the toilet and flush it. THAT IS MY DREAM!

[The5thW]

Rush Limbaugh has subverted democracy with the help of a gang of mind controlled Brownshirts who despise popular government. In any other country the US would invade and restore the rule of law, or the UN would take over all election functions, but the reaction of the "Democratic" party is to whine about this irrelevant hack.

[kingfishstew]

FUNNY TRUTH / NEWS:

Girl depicted in the Monster's 3 A.M. add shocked and dismayed that her image has been used to promote the Monster's campaign. Apparently she grew up to be an Obama supporter.

http://www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_030708WAB_hillary_ad_KC.328ab14f.html

[Redmom]

Obama as VP?

He's too smart to get "gored" by the Clintons.