Hillary Rejects, Denounces Self

Responding to a chorus of outrage touched off by her comments about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) made a bold attempt at damage control today by distancing herself from herself.

Many political observers had assumed Sen. Clinton would respond in some manner to the controversy she had created with her comments, but few expected her to throw herself under the bus.

At a rally today in South Dakota, the New York senator said that the comments she made were "totally unacceptable," adding, "I hereby reject and denounce myself."

Attempting to reassure her dwindling base of support, she said that her comments "have no place in a political campaign, and the person who made them will have no role in my administration."

Sen. Clinton also offered an explanation for her comments about the late Sen. Kennedy, telling the crowd, "I am still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of my service in the Bosnian army."

While early reaction to her latest comments was mixed, Clinton aide Terry McAuliffe called the speech "a home run."

"She came out today and said she was disgusted and appalled by Hillary Clinton," Mr. McAuliffe said. "That puts her in the mainstream of American opinion."

Sen. Clinton's decision to throw herself under the bus also drew praise from her husband, former president Bill Clinton, who joined in rejecting and denouncing her.

"When I heard her comments about Bobby Kennedy, I thought, wow, somebody in her campaign said something idiotic and this time it wasn't me," he said.

Elsewhere, American Airlines announced that it would charge customers $15 for the first lost bag.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts "Countdown to the Election," with special guests Joy Behar (The View) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of "The Nine") at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on October 22 at 8 PM. For tickets go to 92y.org.

Comments

[savethecountry]

Or how about a remake of the 1970s film classic "Network?" Hillary could play Howard Beale, proclaiming on network television that she's "as mad as hell and she's not going to take her anymore."

However, that might not be the best example. Beale was assassinated at the end of that film.

[SCG]

Thanks for the laugh. only it's too true. The Terry McAuliffe statement was the icing on the cake.

[outnow]

Hillary has thrown herself under the bus. Too funny, Andy!

[brooklyncitizen]

Funny stuff.
Thanks.

[BonzaiBoy]

Hmm, I don't know if I can buy into this one Andy. It sounds too much like she'd be taking responsibility for her own actions...

[aleco]

Andy, you're the best. It's amazing how you make satire seem so plausible.

[dapperd72]

Hillary's doppelganger must've emerged from the shadows to reject her original self & perhaps counterintuitively solicit someone to engage in the same horrific act that was committed against RFK as a justification for Obama to stay in the race. This must explain why Clinton proudly told her Kentucky supporters in her victory speech that she'll actively campaign for whoever is the Democratic nominee to defeat McCain, "whoever SHE may be," to a roaring crowd in response. The devil's advocate defense of her would suggest she thinks Obama's really a drag queen, so that would support her purported plan to campaign for a female Democratic Presidential nominee other than herself!

[Singha]

Don't forget the popular votes on MARS!

[protagonia]

Move over Monica L, because this time - Hillary blew it!

[AlphaDoc]

Hillary's new campaign slogan: Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic, and I am, too.

[ipitombi]

"Fatal Election" ---- Glenn Close plays Hillary, & Michael Douglas plays Obama

[MichaelGeneSullivan]

Damn! Beat me to it!

[Openeyes]

Love your stuff Andy. Had a flash reading this of Cleavon Little in "Blazing Saddles" holding a gun to his own head and threatening to shoot the hostage.

Alas, what you suggest is in reality about the only way she could really begin to apologize and make amends for her horrific statement (not a gaffe, this was a repeated statement, not a mistake), the only way to truly "do the right thing," and therefore it is guaranteed not to happen.

The only thing that would be more pathetically unbelievable is if she somehow tried to blame the whole thing on Obama. . . oh no, don't tell me . . . damn!

[stonepier]

Thank you! That was great.

[LeeinJax]

And at the conclusion of her press conference in which she denouced and rejected herself, Hillary Clinton declared, "And now on to the Whitehouse! I will never, ever, ever, ever give up! And I denounce and reject any bully who would denounce and reject me! And clearly all of the Democratic candidates have now ganged up against me! And that makes me willing to fight--for you--harder! It's sexism! Even women candidates oppose me now! They hate me for my freedom! And I will never, ever, ever, ever give up!" etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum...