Hillary Says 8-Year-Old Bosnian Girl Was Actually Sniper

Accused in recent days of embellishing her story of a brush with sniper fire in Bosnia, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today said "don't be fooled" by photos showing her being greeted at the airport by a pony-tailed 8-year-old Bosnian girl with a bouquet of flowers.

"That was no little girl," Sen. Clinton told reporters in Gary, Indiana. "That was a covert ops midget sniper."

The New York senator said that moments after the "so-called little girl" presented her with the flowers, she revealed what the bouquet had been hiding: "a tiny semi-automatic weapon."

"Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to use some of the Tae Kwon Do techniques I had learned in preparation for the Northern Ireland peace talks," she said.

Defending his wife against charges that she had yet again fabricated her exploits while First Lady, former President Bill Clinton told CNN's John King that "Democratic voters have a clear choice this election: do they want a liar or a plagiarist?"

"Hillary tells some real whoppers, but at least they're original," he said.

In response to a question about whether he believes his wife's account of the events in Bosnia, Mr. Clinton said, "All I have to say about that is Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend Wright."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Calvin Trillin (The New Yorker), Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Comments

[BlackMagicWoman]

Hahahaha!

[SignedSealedDelivered]

LOL!

[scandals&skeletons]

how could anyone miss the little flower girl with the eyes of a killer

[Desdemondo]

HuffPost's Pick

Listen! I think this is simply the best.

Thanks to Huffington Post, I can be kept informed and also entertained in Jamaica.

Keep up the good work. Mendacious Hillary is being well served.

[mounthoodliberal]

The little girl was *not* the sniper. Andy, you of all people should know better as one who keeps digging until he gets all the facts. The little girl was actually Hillary's human shield. She was chosen to be light enough for Hillary to pick up and carry and big enough to take any bullets aimed at her. We saw just this week how Hillary likes to deflect flak to others: while she is under attack regarding the Bosnia story, she dredges up the Wright controversy to draw fire away from herself.

[MPeter]

Here is the Flight Commander who flew her into Tuzla actually 'confirming' that the bouquet of flowers was actually an explosive device!!!! Take a listen but, warning, you may have to pay very close attention, or you will miss that part. Take a listen:
http://www.breitbart.tv/html/68124.html

[zerostress]

Thanks for the link. I was wondering if Hillary flew the C-17 herself but did not wanted us to know out of humility.

[Tejano1]

what you don't see in the youtube video of clinton's harrowing experience, is that she had to wrestle the little girl to the ground with a choke hold. then shillary swallowed her whole.

[ArchAngel]

"I did not receive flowers from that girl!"

[blog4um]

That was great!

[gipper1]

I bet Hillary can cure cancer, invent nuclear fusion, and colonize Mars...all while dodging sniper fire!

[DoTheMath]

Thanks for the comic relief. Satire is probably the best defense we have left against the ugliness and cynicism that have taken over what started out to be such an upbeat - dare I say hopeful? - Democratic primary.

[johnnygoodwud]

hmmm, the way i heard it was, the pilot was shot while trying to land, and chelsea had to land the plane. sinbad and cheryl crow opened the doors of the plane and returned fire with AK-47's. hillary removed the bullet from the pilot with her nail file, a procedure she learned while on a trip she often speaks about in great detail, with joe wilson, which actually never took place. (the reference to joe wilson and the trip is true, it never took place. ) more misspeak from hillary. as she said yesterday, speaking to the press, 'i'm human, give me a break guys. human perhaps, a liar that's a given.

[RhondaSTL]

You crack me up! Thanks for the laugh.

[Openeyes]

Thank you for putting my fears to rest. Generally, when a woman is greeted by an 8 year old girl who reads her a poem and the woman remembers the event as being shot at and having to duck for cover to save her life, the woman is put on rather strong medication, to prevent further delusions.

Now that you've provided a plausible explanation of these events, I won't have to worry about Hillary needing to be medicated.

[Janet Carter]

Now THAT's funny. We've gotta laugh to keep from crying sometimes. Thanks.