Hillary Says She 'Misspoke' About Wrestling Bin Laden

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who has been accused in recent days of padding her foreign policy resume while First Lady, admitted today that she may have exaggerated about an encounter she said she had with al-Qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden in 1998.

In an appearance on NBC's Meet the Press on Sunday, Sen. Clinton told host Tim Russert, "I wrestled bin Laden in his cave in 1998 and had him pinned to the ground before the bastard got away."

But a review of Sen. Clinton's official White House schedule from that period revealed that the then-First Lady was nowhere in the vicinity of Mr. bin Laden on that day, but was instead greeting a group of honor roll students at Disney World in Orlando.

"I may have misspoke about what went on that particular day," Sen. Clinton said today. "But it was a very busy time for me, what with having that knife-fight with Kim Jong-Il and all."

Reporters peppered Sen. Clinton's new press spokesman with questions about another purported exploit of hers, in which the senator claimed that she and a ragtag team of blue-collar drillers deflected an asteroid on a collision course with the Earth.

"Everything Hillary Clinton says is true," said her new spokesman, the author James Frey.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Calvin Trillin (The New Yorker), Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[sebocd]

How come we never hear from Hillary's old classmates from Wellesley College. Was she as endearing than as she is now. Did she always run down the hall to answer the pay phone in the dorm when it rang at all hours of the night?

[ArchAngel]

"I'll follow him around the Horn, and around the Norway maelstrom, and around perdition's flames before I give him up."

[LBKN]

I love Melville!!!

"... small erections may be finished by their first architects; grand ones, true ones, ever leave the copestone to posterity. God keep me from ever completeing anything. This whole book is but a draught - nay, but a draught of a draught. Oh, time, strength, cash, and pacience!

Herman Melville Chapter32 Moby Dick

[moxieme]

I cannot believe the media continues to cover Bill and Hill's deplorable and despicable behavior during this campaign all in the names of ratings and sensationalism. Has anyone in the media taken a look at the civil lawsuit playing out in Los Angeles Superior court involving the Clintons and Peter Franklin Paul? Why is no one taking a look at that? I am out here in the Midwest and friends from LA are calling and emailing me for over a week. I encourage my fellow bloggers Google "Peter Franklin Paul" and look at that. We need to hold HRC's feet to the fire. It is obvious Sen. Obama is commited to remaining above the "politics as usual" by attempting to not go negative. The media is allowing HRC to continue to set the standard for this campaign. As a mother of 20-somethings I am deeply concerned they may revert back to apathy or cynasism due to the tone of this campaign set by HRC. But, there are those of us who are experienced with these types of campaigns. Let's all empower ourselves by shining the light on Bill and Hill's shenanigans.

[Ozarks]

Remember what Hillary said about Obama. She claimed that "words and speeches don't mean anything" . Guess she believes that gives her a free pass to distort her trip to Bosnia with a big lie and Her trip to Northern Ireland as a big lie. If Hillary believes she can make bald face lies to support her alleged "experience", have her 1000 papers from 8 years at White House redacted, not release 2000 thru 2007 tax filings or telephone logs from White House,frankly by the time the republicans get thru with her in November, she may only be able to get a job as a comedian type radio personality like Rush Limbaugh. I say that because the whole democratic party will go down in flames on her ticket and there will be market glut of idiots not qualified for anything but deception.

[Promise]

Remember when she wrote "It takes a Village to Raise a Child" and she got all kinds of awards for it, but then it sort of came out that she had a ghost writer or something....It makes me wonder how much of that she actually wrote.

[ignorantwillyharper]

NONE

[Doncaster]

I'm a working sitcom writer in Hollywood and we need to keep this Borowitz guy away from any and all jobs I may be up for. He is TOO funny.

[GotRights]

>>I'm a working sitcom writer

[johnb3950]

That's a wonderful misspelling someone made - "flack jacket." That is her envelope! Old saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip." New saying "There's many a flack 'twixt Hill and fact."

[Johnz52]

Hillary didn't misspeak. She lied. If a U.S. serviceman filed a report claiming he/she came under fire when the enemy was no where in sight they would be severly disciplined. Hillary is going for the position of Commander and Chief and should be held accountable just the same as any one in the armed services would be.

Hillary has a great teacher, Bill. the Clintons have lied about everything from sex in the Oval Office and Travelgate to Normandy Beach type landings in Bosnia to further their own cause. We presently have an administration that has consistently lied to the American public. We certainly don't need to replace it with one that is no less duplicitous.

[BaselessOp]

Nothing she has said since entering the senate has been credible to me. I just can't believe her. Is she a hawk a dove, Rep or Dem, gay or straight??? Who knows? She lies at the drop of a hat, cries at the drop of a poll...who is this woman?

[tandrmcdonald]

Senator Clinton lost my vote with her ugly 3AM phone call commercial. Now, with the lie about dodging sniper fire in Bosnia, she's lost my respect.
Call it what you want, padding the resume, gilding the lily, embroidering the truth, burnishing the image, spinning the facts... a lie is a lie is a lie.
We already have a White House full of liars, do we want or need more?
Gramma Rose

[rdiaz921]

Smoking that crack again...

making light of a situation where she was caught - LYING.

duh. Does she really think people won't see through it? What a megalomaniac.

[Johnz52]

Hillary didn't misspeak. She lied. If a serviceman filed a false report stating they and others had come under fire when the enemy wasn't even in the area they would be severly disciplined. Hillary is seeking the position of Commander and Chief and should not be given a pass on this one.

Hillary does have a great teacher, Bill The Clintons have lied about everything from sex in the Oval Office to Normandy Beach like landings in Bosnia in order to advance their cause. We currently have an adminstration that has lied to Americans for the advancement their cause. We don't need to exchange it for another one that is no less duplicitous.

[clevelandchick]

She's Hillary Gump.

[derekw007]

This is all BS: I'm sick of people taking Hillary to task for stupid things.

Let's look at the film of what Clinton actually said:

(film of Hillary driving a black Ferrari 365/GTB/4 Daytona Spyder at night on the main strip in Miami.....)

Well I remember,
I remember dont worry (worry worry worry)
How could I ever forget
its the first time,
the last time
we ever met (met met met met met met)

But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, (up up up up)
no you dont fool me
The hurt doesnt show;
but the pain still grows

Its no stranger to you or me

DOOSH DOOSH DOOOSH DOOOSH DO DO DO DO DOOO DOOOOOSH

(end of tape)

Well, looks ok to me.

[Serena67]

I remember that episode. Awesome.

[TooLooze]

Yeah except they should have used a living actor instead of Maurice Chavelier.

[tandrmcdonald]

Note to derekwoo7;
So original! Which site do you go to to copy song lyrics? I'm wondering if this is some new Yuppie communication disorder, or just plain old laziness. Do you have any words of your own, or are you content just to regurgitate what someone else said a couple of decades ago?
When I was in high school we called it verbal vomit., funny how the name still fits. By the way, learn to spell and find out what a contraction and an apostrophe are.
Gramma Rose

[derekw007]

I know what a contraction is - and what is is not. Or isn't. Is it? Is not. Burma Shave.

Additionally, if you we're (oops, I mean WERE) to research my post history, you would see I am a virtual font of originality.

Lastly, regarding your "verbal vomit" comment - "Verbal" means to express in spoken rather than written words.

To "verbalize" something is to use one's mouth, lungs, throat and tounge to push air out of the human body in such a manner to make recognizable sounds that form the basis of communication between two or more people. These sounds can be linked together to form neat things, like Presidential Addresses, Church Semons and Oscar-caliber Dialogue from Porno Movies. So you should have updated your insult and called it "textual vomit".

Lastly (I know I said "lastly" in the last paragraph - but as you rightly point out in your comment, I'm lazy - much too lazy to click my mouse button or hit my backspace key - so I'm just gonna keep on typing) in regards to spelling - Mark Twain said the following: "I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words." Now of course he said that when he was piss-drunk off his ass in a San Fran whore-house, but I believe in the spirit of the quotation rather the where it was said.

I'm just lazee that way.

[WhattaMook]

Master explorer and former US Navy Pilot Duke McClain (Matt McCainahee ) and his wisecracking buddy Barney O'Bama (William H. Macy) go on the adventure of a lifetime of seeking out a lost Civil War ironclad battleship known as the "Ship of Death" that protects a secret cargo of confederate gold coins lost underneath the sand in a former underground river in the Sahara desert of West Africa. The two adventurers cross paths with a beautiful and brilliant former U.S. first lady Hilarity Clanton (Penny Cruise) who is being hounded by a ruthless dictator, Chris Matthews, (played by Keith Olberman). She believes that the hidden treasure may be connected to a larger problem that threatens the world around them. Hunting for a ship that no one else thinks exists, Duke, Barney, and Hilarity (played by Penny Cruise) must rely on their wits and their daring heroics to outsmart dangerous warlords, survive the threatening terrain, save the world from environmental catastrophe, the illustrious three run a gauntlet between a billionaire French industrialist Nick Scorchy,(played by Maurice Chevalier) operating a solar powered waste disposal plant near the Niger River,and a bloodthirsty West African tyrant, Idi Amin. played by Eddie Murphy In the scorching desert, The trio uncovers the truth behind the mystery - the fate of a Civil War ironclad (played by R2D2 ) and survive without a scratch on any of them . Plagiarized from Anthony Pereyra and ripped off from Ronos

[BenjiG]

She has so many men advising her who try to get her to try to sound "tough" and "hawkish" and this is what happens...

[HeadScratcher]

Out of the mouth of babes....

[msfiskvletterman]

3/25/08
4:51pm
Alexandria, VA

I love it. Please tell me there will be jokes on the Late Show tonight, too.