Hillary Vows to Stay in Race 100 Years

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stunned voters at a town hall meeting in Erie, Pennsylvania today by telling them that she was prepared to stay in the nomination fight for an additional century.

"How much longer will I stay in the race?" she responded to a voter's question. "Fifty years? How about one hundred years?"

When asked to clarify, Sen. Clinton replied, "I'll stay in this race for a thousand years. A million years. A billion years."

Sen. Clinton added that she was refusing to announce an exit strategy from the race because "that would send the wrong message to the enemy."

The New York senator's comments echoed a strategy outlined in a recently leaked internal campaign memo, which calls for her to remain in the race long after the Democratic National Convention, even if Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) becomes the party's official nominee.

According to the memo, Sen. Clinton plans to follow Sen. Obama's campaign bus around in a Chevy Suburban in the hopes of running it off the road.

"If necessary, we will sideswipe or ram into his bus," the memo said. "Just really mess him up."

For her part, Sen. Clinton remained resolute at the town hall meeting, responding to a question about the recent surge in negative attacks her campaign has lobbed in Sen. Obama's direction: "What can I tell you? The surge is working."

Elsewhere, to inaugurate the 2008 Major League Baseball season, former pitching great Roger Clemens threw out the first syringe.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Calvin Trillin (The New Yorker), Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[SubparDude]

HuffPost's Pick

:

Hillary's new take on the great MacArthur quote:

"If not nominated, I shall still run. . .

and If Not Elected, I shall still serve!"

:

[MadeinAmericaProud]

McCain is to old to remember or see the written word and the contacts are not working MY Friend.

The have Karl Rove on the stump speech trash Obama speech and voting record.
OBAMA is being kicked from both sides.

His wife being kicked from both sides.

The world is watching us beat the shit out one family who trying to make a different for the nations
We the people are willing to hand over a win to the republican party again.

We are willing to eat poison hoping the other people die does not make any sense.

[Dap]

Andy, you crack me up ! :)

[zendem1]

Of Hillary this ditty I write,
She vows to stay in there and fight.
But when things get boring,
Ol Bill will start whoring,
And Hill will make him sleep with her out of spite!

[conned]

HIllBilly is very powerful, and that does raise some concerns with electronic voting machines and all. It is almost impossible for them to win, and if they somehow do pull it off, there will be some real questions.

[Titonwan]

Hillary '08 (2108) Ready on year 100!

[justobserve]

Of course! Queen Hillary is building up a monarchy or a banana republic.

[Merin]

ROTFLMAO!!!

[SaintZak]

How it will end: The super delegates have fled from her enmasse. Obama hs secured the nomination. A delusion Hillary is locked in her hotel room, refusing to leave. The lobby is filled with stunned supporters and an army of reporters and camera crews. The hotel manager whispers to Bill Clinton, "We have to get her out of there. The Obama campaign checks in tomorrow morning." Spying the cameras Bill say, "Hang on there, I have an idea." He sends and aid to tell "Madame President" her motorcade is waiting. Moments later, Hillary, in her finest pantsuit, appears at the top of the stairs and slowly, regally begins to decend. "I'm ready for my inauguration Cheif Justice Roberts..."

[bish66]

Isn't it great to have someone like Hillary to make fun of? This is really cinematic, "According to the memo, Sen. Clinton plans to follow Sen. Obama's campaign bus around in a Chevy Suburban in the hopes of running it off the road."

You could not write such a line for Mike Huckabee (too christian, too kind) or Fred Thompson (too sleepy) or Guiliani (does he have a driver's licence?). so, it is good that we have her and I could imagine her liking that piece because she does have a fine sense of humour.

[justobserve]

Now, even being short of fund to pay debtors (from New Hampshire onwards) they still have the straight face to announce they will run until convention in August if MI & FL are not counted! That is a big IF when they had SIGNED the agreement that those states' votes will not be counted. If the Clintons care about voters they would have fights against the rules a long time ago, not now. The only thing that the party can do to these pests is push them out of the party: they already proved they don't care about the party and they not only poke fun at the party's rules but also spin so that the party looks bad as if denying their own voters the right to vote. They want to turn this country into a country of thugs at the highest level? These delusional acts are unacceptable for the party or the country.

[HeadScratcher]

They are counting on their good supporters to continue to contribute - aren't those $600 tax rebates going to be mailed in May - so that they can pay off their debts. Of course, that includes the $5 million they owe themselves that they loaned to themselves after Super Tuesday.

[AlphaDoc]

>Sen. Clinton added that she was refusing to announce an exit strategy from the race because "that would send the wrong message to the enemy."<

A perfect analogy. LOL! Thanks.

[Democrab]

The last man standing will be a woman.

[mm29464]

very funny.

[REZBOO]

Combine" the diper wearing astronaut" line with alycelover's first sentence-- and I literally laughed until my back ached --and got a stomach cramp to boot.

HRC is now so funny--it's potentially dangerous to one's health.