Hillary Vows to Stay in Race 100 Years

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stunned voters at a town hall meeting in Erie, Pennsylvania today by telling them that she was prepared to stay in the nomination fight for an additional century.

"How much longer will I stay in the race?" she responded to a voter's question. "Fifty years? How about one hundred years?"

When asked to clarify, Sen. Clinton replied, "I'll stay in this race for a thousand years. A million years. A billion years."

Sen. Clinton added that she was refusing to announce an exit strategy from the race because "that would send the wrong message to the enemy."

The New York senator's comments echoed a strategy outlined in a recently leaked internal campaign memo, which calls for her to remain in the race long after the Democratic National Convention, even if Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) becomes the party's official nominee.

According to the memo, Sen. Clinton plans to follow Sen. Obama's campaign bus around in a Chevy Suburban in the hopes of running it off the road.

"If necessary, we will sideswipe or ram into his bus," the memo said. "Just really mess him up."

For her part, Sen. Clinton remained resolute at the town hall meeting, responding to a question about the recent surge in negative attacks her campaign has lobbed in Sen. Obama's direction: "What can I tell you? The surge is working."

Elsewhere, to inaugurate the 2008 Major League Baseball season, former pitching great Roger Clemens threw out the first syringe.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Calvin Trillin (The New Yorker), Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[Lauren1959]

Wow, and the complete unreality of the Clinton Campaign marches on.

[lincat]

It feels like one hundred years have already passed.

[MadeinAmericaProud]

HERE HERE

How can HUFFPOST PICK MISS THIS ONE.

I looked in the mirrow this morning I am starting to look as old Mccain and Hillary combine.

We truly need a change, please let us start with a national standardized voting system. How can Texas have two votes to our one vote??????

[chlllfactor]

The article may be tongue-in-cheek, but it certainly does mirror some of the characterisics of Hillary. I agree with Seedhom, let Hillary stay in the race - the longer she stays, the more damage she does to herself. She is her own worst enemy. With Senator Obama's showing in Texas yesterday, he is more pledged delegates ahead. 'Course, Hillary has already blown off the results!

[PennP]

HuffPost's Pick

The Chevy Suburban and the memo, with "Just really mess him up," had such a ring of authenticity, I could almost believe it's true.

Roger Clemens throwing out the first syringe--that's the gem of the piece. Beautiful.

[4wehttam]

I almost believe that Cruela Deville would do it too. She is NOT to be trusted. Sniper fire anyone?

[Clinton]

Too bad it took awhile to see that this is a satire, it actually seemed plausible for a few lines. The real HRC does seem to have similarities with that diaper wearing astronut we heard about last year.

[drmavis]

Genius. You should write for Saturday Night Live - they really need some help!

[Debmood]

lol drmavis...­I agree.

[Tejano1]

i've tried to watch snl a couple of times in the past month. god, it is TERRIBLE! fart jokes are funnier.

[keriheb]

Is the existence of that memo really true???????????

If so, do we want anyone like that as president?

Surely that is not true.

[alyceclover]

If I were Senator Obama I would be terrified of a co-worker in Congress calling me "the enemy", he is an opponent in an election. She began this is Jan. saying her "enemies" were spreading "misinformation" about her Iran vote and “let’s have an election about the real issues – they’re difficult enough, let’s not politicize and fantasize and make-up.” Iran is not "make-up" and "fantasize" and it is a very real issue of importance to me. Perhaps she believes this is true, much like she believed it was true there was no greeting ceremony in Bosnia. Is she aware that people with Internet access can easily check voting records online? She did indeed vote yes to the Iran Resolution. She said "we acted on faulty intelligence" as one of her reasons for her proud vote to invade Iraq. Who's intelligence is she relying on this time? We are low on troops and in debt to China to pay for Iraq, how does she and McCain (Bush, Cheney) expect to pay for Iran? I have to question Senator Obama's judgment when he tells people she is "intelligent" and all the other praise he (and others) heaps upon her. Perhaps he needs to listen to her words and analyze them a bit more to see where her inner mind is at.

[Seedhom]

Here is something funny ..

I so much take joy in watching Hillary tortured until June.
I don't want her supporters to be put out of their misery so soon!!

NO NO, NO let it go on and on and on ..
I could not have wished for a spring better than this one.

I know Obama will get a win,
but I just want to see Hillary in ruin

Creamed and humilated in the public square.
For the rest of the country it is only fair!!

God Bless America.

[mouselion]

Yep. That's what they want! So be it!

[Barbyrah]

Dear Clinton Supporters,
Please know Seedhom does not speak for me. As an Obama supporter, I endeavor to reflect Barack's core values in my posts...wh­ich means it's not about baiting, condemning, hating. And no question, this post says sooo much more about the person who wrote it than it says about anyone else.
Please also know many of Barack's supporters would be appalled by what this dude or dudette wrote.
Know I wish both you and your candidate well. And while I am in no position to apologize for what someone else wrote...if I could, I would.

[Titonwan]

Dear apologist to the Clinton hangers-on,
I admire you for your graciousness to extend an olive branch to the last vestiges of Hillary's holdouts. Your reasoned attempt is noteworthy. If this article wasn't so close to the truth, I could almost agree with you. But knowing her past and realizing she has "gone around the bend" (crazy as a loon), I can't support this. Good try tho!

[jandris]

Ok, it's funny. I laughed. But you know what, you have a right to your opinion, and she has a right to hers. I guess if you want to kick Hillary out of the way, it's better to do it in a funny way than an angry way.

[MarthaLA]

All right Bubba, are you ready? 1 straight jacket
Saddled up and ready to go?
1 Amy Whinehouse cd to play on bus

1 padded bus

1 prepaid undetermined amount of time in a political rehab

1 lap top computer for new book

1 Title for new book "HOW I SURVIVED THE LUNACY OF HILLARY"

[MarineBugler]

You forgot: "Dogs new name is Judas."

[jhamm1]

Excellent correlation, as it further demonstrates all too many characteristic which she shares with John McCain.

[whatsthatsound]

It does do that, indeed.

And after all, what's a billion years? That only seems slightly longer than what we've endured so far in this campaign.

[chlllfactor]

Right on! This campaign has just gone on and on, and on, and on. We may hit the trillion year mark before it is over. With all of the gaffs McCain has been making, Senator Obama could have been on top of him many times already. Instead, he has become the 'enemy' of his own opponent. Hillary is a destructive force in the political arena - right up there with Bush and Rove!