LYON (The Borowitz Report) -- The head of Interpol was resolute today about his organization's pursuit of missing WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, telling reporters, "We will find Julian Assange, and then we will hire him."
Interpol's decision to offer employment to the scourge of international diplomacy raised more than a few eyebrows at the Interpol press conference, but according to Interpol chief Jean-Louis Perdu, it makes perfect sense.
"As we were racking our brains trying to find Julian Assange, we realized: You know who we could use around here? Someone like Julian Assange, who understands, how you say, the computer devices," Perdu said.
The Interpol chief said that Mr. Assange's inclusion on Interpol's "Most Wanted" list was an understatement: "We don't just want him -- we need him. Badly. Merde!"
Perdu said that if Interpol does locate Mr. Assange, it intends to offer him a generous employment package, with benefits.
"I would very much like to tell Mr. Assange about our dental plan -- that is, if he hasn't already downloaded it," he said. More here.
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|AlexJamesFitz TIL: Benedict Cumberbatch is playing Julian Assange in an upcoming film: http://t.co/5soXUFrvyJ (ht @swin24)|
|marilink Julian Assange: "Todos los documentos de los estados deben ser documentos públicos" http://t.co/MlJfadCyC6|
|ojomagico Julian Assange: "El Estado no es propietario de nada, todo pertenece a la ciudadanía". http://t.co/03MLdm77EX vía @la_informacion|
|rosamariaartal Julian Assange: "Todos los documentos de los estados deben ser documentos públicos" : http://t.co/pQHxToxuMQ via @eldiarioes|
|guardiannews Julian Assange reveals GCHQ messages discussing Swedish extradition http://t.co/U0TYgYDjOh|
|gdnpoliticswire Julian Assange reveals GCHQ messages discussing Swedish extradition http://t.co/74nfIxxDSV|
|LupeFiasco Today's idea for ponder comes from Julian Assange and his intriguing assessment of the impotence of western free speech via economic forces|
|mcontreras Julian Assange asegura que Wikileaks no ha provocado daño por difundir información http://t.co/7YB0UAZUTx|
|mcontreras La entrevista de @jordievole a Julian Assange aquí: http://t.co/QVxJXUajkr (parte 4, minuto 5)|
|elcharlas Julian Assange hoy en @salvadostv y la semana que viene el juez Bermúdez. Una pregunta @jordievole ¿Habéis fichado a Garzón como productor?|