iPad Sets Sales Record for Totally Unnecessary Item

05/04/2010 10:42 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

CUPERTINO, CA (The Borowitz Report) - Apple chief Steve Jobs was crowing today about iPad's first-week sales numbers, telling reporters on a conference call that the mobile device had set an all-time sales record for a totally unnecessary item.

"As amazing as these numbers are, it's even more impressive when you realize that no one actually needs this thing," Mr. Jobs chuckled.

According to a representative of the Guinness Book of World Records, the iPad is indeed the most popular unnecessary item ever, topping both the Snuggie™ and the Slanket™.

Elsewhere, the Times Square bombing suspect was arrested on board an Emirates flight after requesting a pillow and 72 virgins. More here.