iPad Sets Sales Record for Totally Unnecessary Item

"As amazing as these numbers are, it's even more impressive when you realize that no one actually needs this thing," Mr. Jobs chuckled while crowing to reporters on a recent conference call.
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CUPERTINO, CA (The Borowitz Report) - Apple chief Steve Jobs was crowing today about iPad's first-week sales numbers, telling reporters on a conference call that the mobile device had set an all-time sales record for a totally unnecessary item.

"As amazing as these numbers are, it's even more impressive when you realize that no one actually needs this thing," Mr. Jobs chuckled.

According to a representative of the Guinness Book of World Records, the iPad is indeed the most popular unnecessary item ever, topping both the Snuggie™ and the Slanket™.

Elsewhere, the Times Square bombing suspect was arrested on board an Emirates flight after requesting a pillow and 72 virgins. More here.

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