NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - The United Nations Security Council met in emergency session today amid fears that Iran may be close to developing a boy band.
Intelligence sources have worried for years that the Iranian government has been assembling the know-how to assemble such a singing group, but concerns spiked considerably last month when satellite photos detected a shipment of choreographers from Miami arriving in Tehran.
"The proliferation of boy bands is quickly becoming the number one global security threat," said Professor Davis Logsdon, who has been studying the efforts of so-called rogue states to acquire homegrown boy bands.
"In addition to the new boy bands, there are also aging boy bands like The Backstreet Boys who are still out there and increasingly unstable," he added.
In Tehran today, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tried to assure the world that Iran was developing its boy band for peaceful purposes, an assertion that met with skepticism from U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
"Iran says it will use its boy band for peaceful purposes," Secretary Clinton said. "When we are talking about boy bands, there is no such thing." More here.
Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport
Rep. Keith Ellison: Why Increased U.S. Sanctions on Iran Don't Work
Increasing sanctions enables the Iranian president the opportunity to change the subject -- from his failed policies to the nationalistic pride symbolized by nuclear energy.
Nathan Gardels: Don't Sacrifice Democracy in Iran Nuke Talks
What impact, if any, might nuclear energy negotiations have on the so-called democratic "green movement" in Iran?
Saad Khan: Iran, Balochistan and Pakistan: The Next Insurgent Frontier?
Balochistan has all the ingredients to conjure up major trouble for U.S forces in Afghanistan. If the Taliban is present in Balochistan, Pakistani authorities need to take stern action.
Melody Moezzi: Leave Punishing Iran to Iranians
It's clear that Iran's strongest adversary today remains within its own borders. The current Iranian regime has far more to fear from its own people than it does from any foreign powers.
Loading comments… 
