Under pressure to reveal her precise contributions to the Clinton presidency, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky released her official White House schedule today.
Ms. Lewinsky hoped that in releasing the schedule she would put to rest nagging questions about her role in the Northern Ireland peace talks and the controversial NAFTA trade agreement.
But shortly after the heavily redacted schedule was released to the press, it became clear that the document was raising more questions than it answered.
"There's no question that Ms. Lewinsky spent hours in the Oval Office, but it's unclear what she was working on," said Democratic operative Carol Foyler. "If she was in there supporting NAFTA, that could be very damaging to her politically."
On the campaign trail, Sen. Hillary Clinton defended the many redactions in her own White House schedule, calling the alterations "changes you can believe in."
Ms. Clinton said that if elected, "I will start redacting my new White House schedule on Day One."
Elsewhere, CIA analysts said they doubted the authenticity of a new instant message from Osama bin Laden, noting that the al-Qaeda leader has never before signed off with "LOL."
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to
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Concerning Osama, last time I saw him firing an AK-47 he was left handed!
Is there no end to this mans talents, new photos indicate he's also ambidextrous!
Now maybe you should work on Osama's new video bring people together on religion, hehe
If she does win, how soon until all we hear about is who Bill has been "Spitzering" over the last 8 years?
2) "Dry cleaners" was repeatedly written in and crossed out.
3) Dana Perino denied any similarities to Jeff Guckert/Gannon's schedule.
4) Redactions are, in fact, changes you can Xerox.
5) When DO we see Laura's schedule? Or... Condi's?
Sounds like you need to help out The Onion now and then.
I doubt Maggie Thatcher would think so.
In some less developed democracies such as Pakistan and Argentina, being the spouse of a political leader can, in and of itself, be the ticket to political dynasty. In fact, in such countries, being the spouse of a policitcal leader brings an almost automatic sense of entitlement to continue a familial political dynasty.
Americans have to ask themselves precisely what sort of democracy they want in the 21st century, one which is the sober culmination of lessons passed or a model more like Pakistan and Argentina.
It is ironic to observers around the world that 232 years after 1776, the British enjoy democracy while Americans have reverted to the monarchical rule of their elites.
Laura Bush has at least 200 days until she is as qualified !