05/08/2010 09:48 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Mating Between Humans and Neanderthals Could Explain Glenn Beck

SANTA CRUZ (The Borowitz Report) - Study of the Neanderthal genome at UC Santa Cruz has revealed that mating between humans and Neanderthals may explain one of science's most persistent mysteries: the existence of Glenn Beck.

"We believe that sex between a human and a Neanderthal may have resulted, some fifteen thousand years later, in several of the Fox News Channel's primetime hosts, including Glenn Beck," said a leading genetic researcher at the university.

But while sex between humans and Neanderthals may explain the existence of the controversial Fox host, other mysteries remain, the researcher said: "While it is likely that a human would have sex with a Neanderthal, it is unclear who would have sex with Glenn Beck."

The discovery that Neanderthals and humans mated fifteen thousand years ago took many scientists by surprise: "Previously, we thought the first time this occurred was on on 'Jersey Shore.'" More here.