McCain: The Fundamentals of Madonna's Marriage are Strong

In what McCain aides are hoping could be a "game-changer" in advance of tonight's third and final presidential debate, GOP nominee John McCain today expressed a strong vote of confidence in the marriage between Madonna and British film director Guy Ritchie.

Speaking to a group of supporters in a retirement home on Long Island, Sen. McCain departed from his prepared remarks to deliver his perspective on the Madonna-Ritchie union.

"My friends, I know a good many of you are concerned about Madonna's marriage," he said. "Well, I am here to tell you that the fundamentals of Madonna's marriage are strong."

The Arizona senator also unveiled his latest economic proposal, which involves sending a "surge" of US troops to America's banks.

"My friends, the surge worked in Iraq, and it will work in our banks," he said. "The only difference between Iraq and America's banking system is that Iraq has more money."

Perhaps in an effort to tamp down expectations for his candidate's performance in tonight's debate, McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds spun it this way: "We'll consider it a victory if he doesn't fall off the edge of the stage."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.