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Microsoft Launches Oral Sex Search Engine

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In a move that is expected to alter the playing field of the competitive world of search utilities, Microsoft today launched a new search engine dedicated to finding depictions of oral sex on the Web.

In a conference call with industry analysts, CEO Steve Ballmer explained the rationale behind the new search engine, which is called Bang.

"Our research shows that 99% of all searches on the Internet begin with the user typing in the words 'oral sex,' 'blow job,' and the like," Mr. Ballmer said. "This new search tool is a real step-saver."

Mr. Ballmer said that Bang could positively impact productivity in the workplace, where studies show that over 75% of employees' time is currently occupied searching for instances of oral sex on the 'net.

In a related story, a new study commissioned by the University of Minnesota shows that articles with the words "oral sex" in the headline are three times as likely to be clicked on as those without.

"Readers who normally don't read academic studies will give them a look if they feature the words 'oral sex,'" said Minnesota's Davis Logsdon. "Oral sex, oral sex, oral sex. Blow job."
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