NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) -- If you'll pardon me for being serious for a moment, here's my idea of a heartwarming story:
A homeless man with no special talent gets our compassion anyway.
The Ted Williams story is, of course, riveting and hopeful. But the nation's fascination with it has nothing to do with our capacity for empathy and everything to do with our addiction to instant celebrity.
The coverage has also been shockingly patronizing. People have been amazed to learn that a homeless man might have an unusual ability, just as they were dumbfounded that an unattractive woman, Susan Boyle, did. There's also been widespread surprise that Mr. Williams had a successful career and a family (!).
I would love it if Mr. Williams' story led to an increase in compassion towards the homeless -- even the ones without viral YouTube videos. That would really be heartwarming.
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There are MANY unsung heroes out there. You are the skeptic.
It's sadly common to dehumanize the homeless. In my home town, they were even called "trolls" publicly because they sometimes sought shelter under bridges. But many people have had their normal and successful lives destroyed by alcohol and drug addiction, medical conditions, or financial ruin. They need help, not insults.
Support your local shelters and food charities.