Nader Tells Gravel to Get Out of Race

Just days after former Alaska senator Mike Gravel announced his independent candidacy for president, the newly minted candidate received his first demand that he get out of the race.

"Mike Gravel should get out of the race, and get out now," said independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader. "The longer he stays in, the greater risk he runs of making a fool of himself."

Mr. Nader said that Mr. Gravel accomplished great things as a senator from Alaska, but added, "If you run a foolish, meaningless campaign for president, pretty soon people will forget all the good you achieved way back when."

"The last thing you want to be thought of is as some tiresome old gas-bag who likes seeing himself on TV," he added.

The former consumer activist said he does not believe that many Americans will waste their votes on Mr. Gravel, but warned that "even a few votes in a few states could have a catastrophic effect."

"If Mike Gravel's presence in the race winds up leading to the election of a Republican who then leads us into a disastrous war, I don't know how he'll live with himself," Mr. Nader said.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Calvin Trillin (The New Yorker), Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[Tags]

We should all thank God that Ralph's still in the race. The only reason they got Spitzer was because Dick Cheney was aiming at Nader and hit the wrong target.

[escobar]

Nader should run for Congress or shut up.
Ex-Senator Gravel makes far more sense than," I wannabe King," Nader.

[Democrab]

Sometimes comedy hits us over the head like a big club. The ability to use satire to prove a point and get the laughs and score the point as well is, I believe, true genius.

[kingcityguru]

In Canada we now have 5 (five!-- Conservatives, Liberals, New Democrats, Bloc Quebecois, Green Party) Federal parties that run for office and whose leader is in a position to be Prime Minister. Why is the US limited to 2? Why should that fact continue forever?

[Ptama]

You had me going there for a minute.

The pot calling the kettle black, This is really funny.

Ralph!, please salvage what dignity you still have left and stop this nonsense!!!

[rucognizant]

Sad.......­.....memor­y & reading comprehension are as endangered as the polar bear!
I went right to this article BECAUSE IT WAS, BY ANDY BOROWITZ!

[LBKN]

My God!

... the proof that we are a country of buffoons... hopeless. The respondents that believed this story outright... are the political liability that keeps us all primitive.

Dimwitts... no depth.. no clarity of thought... no mind.......... Jesse Ventura's Lemmings...... politicing for a Savior.

"The difference between ignorant and educated people is that the latter know more facts. But, that has nothing to do with whether they are stupid or intelligent."
Neal Stephenson

[Boris]

Great April Fool Joke, Andy.

Still laughing. Ironic and histrionic

Its funny because it COULD be true.

[Titonwan]

CNN SPECIAL REPORT: Comedian prints fake news, Gravel supporters destroy their keyboards, jump out windows. Nader apologizes.

[Rescisco]

Gee what a sweet and thoughtful analysis. I want to go a step further and ask all of the remaining candidates to drop out of the race. One of them might win, and I'm not sure the Republic could survive that. The greatest public good would be served by leaving the office vacant for the next four years. Join my campaign for ending the madness. Eliminate the pretense and let the corporate masters run things directly. Putting a figurehead in the presidency is sooo unnecessary, and dangerous if you get a real screwup like "W." Nobody For President in 2008! Its the only choice for a people who have only the illusion of choice.

[Ken Volok]

This has GFOT to be an April Fools joke.

[OtayPanky]

It's GNOT. It's an Andy Borowize blog.

Don't thank me. I'm here to help.

[Openeyes]

Andy - this is brilliant. Happy April Fools! I've often wondered how Ralph could live with himself - I assume that because of his ego he needs a duplex anyway, so perhaps that's how he does it.

[IslandGyal]

What?!?!?!?

[Disparaged]

"The last thing you want to be thought of is as some tiresome old gas-bag who likes seeing himself on TV," he added.

I guess this says it all!!!! Why can't Nader take his own advice to Gravel??

[deejsmom]

thats rich coming from the "spoiler" of the decade! He claims everyone has the right to run for office - so who is he to tell Gravel to get out?