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Nader Warns Bloomberg Not to Run

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Not so fast.

That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."

Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."

In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."

If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up three percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to fifty percent in California and New York.

Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters."

"Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up - I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."

Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

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