Nader Warns Bloomberg Not to Run

Not so fast.

That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."

Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."

In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."

If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up three percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to fifty percent in California and New York.

Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters."

"Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up - I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."

Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[NURREDIN]

I may be off the mark, but I suspect Ralph Nader is a closet "America -Hater". If it were not for his run in 2000, several crucial states would have gone to Gore, and we wouldn't be in the economic mess we're in today. We may have still been attacked on 9/11, but Gore would have cleaned up Afghanistan and Pakistan and found Ben laden and his cronies. Even if the mortgage debacle had happened, we would have had the cash flow to handle the crisis, but Bush has spent every dime we had and more we don't have. We wouldn't be in Iraq, and Saddam would still be bottled up by the "No-Fly" zones.I sincerely believe Nader knew exactly what he was doing and that the dummies that voted for him didn't realize the impact of their wasted votes. A lot of people forget about all the votes Nader got in the West and Northwest that would have gone to Gore.They concentrate their arguments on Florida and Tennessee.­Go back and look at the state by state results for Nader.More importantly, what about the lives of our lost men and women in Iraq? If Nader runs again, we could have the same scenario. We need to start voting with our heads and our wallets instead of our hearts and our prejudices­.The choice between Clinton and McCain is frightenin­g.There's going to be more pain and more blood if either is elected.Th­is country can't afford another eight years of a Republican presidency (and I'm a Republican of the Rockefeller wing, thank you), and the "Smoke and Mirrors" economy we had during the Clinton years fooled people into thinking the internet was the answer to our crumbling infrastructure. I don't know if Obama can do it, but we need a different approach and new blood in Washington.

[rlb2444]

This is going to be the first time that I vote Independen­t...IF....­.Obama or Romney are not on the ticket. I would definitely vote for Bloomberg. There is no way that I will vote for Hillary or McCain.

[Larry Buchite]

It is true that no one knows how to screw up an election better than Mr. Nader he has been practicing for years.

[etltfd]

Nader should thank himself for Bush being elected and the ensuing problems that followed. If he wanted to seriously run for president he should put himself out there like the rest of the candidates and take whatever heat thrown at him. For him or Bloomberg to come out at the last minute to spoil the election from someone is a sign of cowardice and deceit. Anyone dumb enough to vote any of these two Bozo's are just as stupid.

[rjcrane]

Nader if he isn't already, should become a national laughingstock if he runs again. No doubt he would use naive supporters to do all of the hard work for him again so he doesn't have to do any of it himself, leaving him time to give more speeches to add to his personal wealth and sell another book. Wait! That's it! He must have another book coming out soon and that's why he wants to run again. Free book publicity disguised as a campaign for President!!

And maybe he can find some more petition gathers to put his name on the ballot who will create fake names to get enough signatures like he did before keeping him off the ballots in several states.

Give it up, Nader! I blame you for 8 years of George Bush damage to our country which is way more than enough to erase all of the good things you have accomplished to date.

Thanks for the good laugh, Andy!

RJ Crane, topplebush.com

[Bigtexxx]

Ralph, you'd be a regular laugh riot, that is, if our treasury weren't empty, if Bin Laden weren't still on the run, and if there weren't a million dead Iraqis and 3900-plus dead Americans in the ground because of your last self-proclaimed screwing up of an election.

They say a good comic kills; Ralph, you must be one of the greats.

[Smitty8]

Although I consider McCain an unstable weasel and will not vote for him, under NO condition will I vote for Hillary. Voting for her is a vote endorsing the DLC machine that has poisoned hope for progressives. There will be no fundamental change until and unless we show them that corrupt DLC/corporate politics will no longer work, and it looks like we have not yet suffered enough to realize this obvious fact.

[jwsub28]

This is all we need as Democrats or independent voters. Nader has ruined numerous elections and he needs to stay the F out of this. What the hell does he want? I for one do not need to look at McCain or Romney for 4 years and listen to their bullshit policies. Any democrat is better than a republican. Stay the hell out and stop screwing with us. And for the people that would actually vote for him, you will be responsible for 4 more years of pure hell with another dumbass republican. We will never get out of this war and more people will die and for what???
My take on this race is that Hillary vs a republican candidate will be a lot harder to win. We need to win this people and Obama can do that for us. She needs to put her ego away and think about the American people. Edwards was a caring man that would have made a great president but I didn't get a chance to vote. The states that vote first choose the president, something that is unfair to the rest of us. I only hope that the young voters actually show up for Obama and we can actually have CHANGE. McCain and Clinton have been in Washington for decades and that is not CHANGE. They are the problem and if we want to actually make any progress we need a fresh face and Obama is the only one in this race now.

[BoulderSue]

Beautiful, Andy, but let's not underestimate the intentions or ability of either one of them to screw up another election.

[Ivann]

You don't have to delve too deeply into the numbers to know that that isn't true. The 2000 election was lost (??) in Florida & in that state Nader collected over 90,000 votes. Gore lost to Bush by 600/700 votes. No prizes for guessing who would have won the state without Nader's obstructionism.
Nader is an attention-seeking political maverick who crawls out of the woodwork every 4 years. He is SOLELY responsible for the country having had to endure 8 years of Bush. His above comments would be funny if they were not so true.

[nycerbarb]

Thank you for a good laugh.

[armadillious2002]

Persoanlly I feel that both Nader and Bloomberg should be keel hauled from a super tanker.

And, anybody who votes for an independant this time around needs to be keel hauled with them. This is the one good chance we have to take the Whitehouse back from the criminal repubs.

Trust me - even Hillary would be 100 times better than bush and cheney. This old sticking your bottom lip out and saying "well if Hillary wins I'm gonna be mad and vote for Bloomberg" is infantile and idiotic.

We have got to take this country back from the clutches of the repubs - if we don't - we may never have another chance.

[LarksTongue]

Of course, if the DNC had gotten its way and if Gore were now at the end of his second term, we would presumably be looking at the possibility of a Lieberman nomination. Now that's frightening!

I'm ready for Obama. If Clinton is nominated, I'll vote for Nader... again.

[RoseMerry]

Omigawd, Nadar is losing it and losing it bad.

That is a sad, sad thang. I had been a fan for so long. But even in jest, these are stupid, stupid thangs to say. Stupid is not what the Nadar I remember did.

So often, if you read biographies, it becomes clear that our last years are not always our best.

This sound like a the case here.

[kburlz]

How DARE Ralph Nader tell someone THEY shouldn't enter the race. This from the guy responsible for the biggest election disaster in US history.