Nader Warns Bloomberg Not to Run

Not so fast.

That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."

Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."

In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."

If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up three percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to fifty percent in California and New York.

Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters."

"Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up - I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."

Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[ChartreuseMuse]

If Nader runs again will it be his fault (again) when he inspires 300,000+ registered Democrats to vote FOR the Republican as they were somehow hypnotized to do in 2000??

We mustn't blame them afterall.

[ampay]

If you actually look at the numbers, Gore would have lost the election all on his own anyway.

But very funny.

[synykyl]

"only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

Who in the 2008 race is *not* a self-absorbed gas-bag?

[DeLuxe]

Ha ha ha... Very funny...

[LyricalLexicon]

If Nader wants to run by all means go ahead, it's supposed to be a free country isn't it? I know all the sheep are going to start up this nonsense about Nader costing Gore the election. If I recall, Gore didn't even win his home state of Tennessee. You can't blame that one on Nader. If Gore had won Tennessee then the results from Florida wouldn't have mattered.

[AlphaDoc]

"only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

Who's gonna tell Hillary she's out?

And the "egomaniac constituency," Andy? Puh-leeze. They prefer the term Megalo-American.

[vbond]

If I thought it would matter to Nader...

I would curse him.

But I don't.

So I won't.

[seattleblogger]

Hey, paixa3, you need to go back in history and find out what the Democratic Party is really about. The current version is only about 30-40 years old. It changes and evolves just like everything els in this world. Who are you to define what a Democrat is or isn't? It's a big tent, my friend.

[musselmanm]

I saw he is accepting contributions.
Lets all donate 1 penny.
That would take quite awhile tokeep books on and report to the fair election practices committee.
Plus it would make them crazy!
Just a penny per month is all I ask.

[Mormondude]

Nader, Bloomberg, Ron Paul, why not? The more the merrier.

If McCain is going to destroy the Republican party anyway, we might as well have someone more palatable to vote for on the ticket.

[Bagger]

That was hilarious. Nader rules.

[avraamjack]

.
The reality is that if the nominees are Clinton and Romney, BLOOMBURG WINS IN A CAKEWALK.
.

[kroses98]

If the nominee turns out to be Hillary, I will vote for Bloomberg. Nader should stay out. I believe his so-called "Exploratory Committee," if it is "real," will validate that he has nominal support!

[abbiehoffmansghost]

Nader-McKinney '08.

[eyecon]

It should be noted that NADEREXPLO­RE08.ORG was registered on January 7.