Nader Warns Bloomberg Not to Run

Not so fast.

That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."

Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."

At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."

In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."

If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up three percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to fifty percent in California and New York.

Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters."

"Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up - I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."

Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[eddiestardust]

Ok I've got a hat and it's time to pass it around:) All those who wish to contribute to the Nader relief fund...please stand up:)

It's time we buy a plane ticket for this guy because I would hate to think we might get another Republican because of him:(

[mayrose]

If Nader really wanted to be the third person opposition party what has he been doing for the past 3 years to form one?
So now he's coming out just to pat himself on the back?
Nothing but a self aggrandizing grandstander-and we already have one of those. His day is over. Time for him to recognize that he no longer has anything to contribute.

[ConcernAmerican]

I wouldn't let anything pass Nader, he's an egomaniac, like his supporters! Nader thrives on destruction!

[larry278]

Nader's ad posted on HP is not new. Ralph even stole Rumsfeld's line about going into Iraq, "OK, motherstickers this is a f@ck up.".
Ralph Nader is so 20th century.

[Anym]

Ha! God Nadar needs to stay home and shut up.

[freespeach]

Learn about Nader for yourselves and draw your own conclusions. This film has Nader lovers, Nader haters, and people in the middle. It takes a positive and negative look at Ralph.

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/unreasonableman/film.html

PBS still has much to teach us. Nader is neither savior nor villain.

[paixa3]

WTF? I WANT Bloomberg to run, not Nader. He tooks his shot (too many times).

[Sciguy]

OK, we had Kucinich and Edwards - now we've got (maybe) Nader and Bloomberg. Not a very good trade, is it?

[thromulese]

Its back. That pompous political hack and liar Nader rears its ugly head again. He should run with LIEberman. It would be the perfect bombastic spoiler election. Shit, maybe Nader can even try to help a bigger fascist than bush jr squeeze In to the white house. Wouldn’t that be fun?

Nader is a pimple on the ass of democracy. He insured 8 long hard years of fascism, torture, criminality, signing statements, corruption, incompetence, greed, and war. Not exactly something to be proud of.

Go away Nader. Maybe you can find some comfort in the arms of Cheney in his undisclosed location. I’m sure he appreciates all your help and support over the last few years.

[sufi0828]

Although I appreciate your satiric point -even Ralph might laugh-
it must be said that Nader was right.Just this last House vote alone- where virtually all of the Democrats voted to deny extension of unemployment benefits to the needy- confirms what Nader has always said:

If Democrats act like Republicans then a third party is mandatory.

Nader was right in 1996, 2000, and in 2004. He is right today.

[daveny]

Sad thing is, it's pretty much an open secret that if Clinton is the Democratic nominee, Bloomberg will be running, since he'd be the only "outsider"/"unity" candidate in the race.

Now if only it was common knowledge, it'd help remind people that Hillary is the least electable of the major candidates! (except Romney. Oh god, please, republicans... nominate romney!)

[elementixx]

HAHAHAHA. . .oh shit, I just peed. Damn you, Andy Borowitz.