The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) stunned the sports world today by announcing that its annual college basketball tournament, known to its fans as March Madness, will henceforth be known as March Bipolar Disorder.
The name-change, which both surprised and outraged devotees of the annual ritual, came after the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) demanded that the NCAA drop the "Madness" tag.
While fans across the country argued that "March Bipolar Disorder" did not have the same ring to it, a spokesperson for the NIMH said today that the new name was "more clinically accurate."
"Each year, the tournament produces extreme mood swings in both its players and its fans," said spokesperson Carol Foyler. "In our view, those symptoms are consistent with bipolar disorder."
Even as tournament purists complained that the NCAA had caved in to the medical community, sports marketing expert Colby Teague said that the name-change could open the door to new sponsorship opportunities from the manufacturers of bipolar disorder medications, such as Eli Lilly.
"I could see a scenario where next year it's called the Zyprexa™ March Bipolar Disorder," he said.
Among bipolar college basketball fans like Devon Trailor of Chapel Hill, NC, reaction to the controversial name-change was mixed: "I was very excited about the new name yesterday, but today I'm not."
Elsewhere, after one full day of listening to him talk, Charles Barkley's cellmate asked to be placed in solitary confinement.
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is performing at the 92nd St. Y on April 30 at 8 PM with special guests Judy Gold, Hendrik Hertzberg, and Jonathan Alter. For tickets, go to 92y.org.
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