PALO ALTO (The Borowitz Report) - Facebook's decision to change the layout of users' profile pages has infuriated the social network's core constituency, people with no lives.
Tracy Klugian, 27, joined four hundred protesters outside Facebook headquarters demanding, in his words, "that Facebook give what passes for my life back."
Mr. Klugian, who splits his time between wishing friends happy birthday on Facebook and making anonymous comments on Glee fan sites, said that he would boycott the social network until it abandoned its "insane" new layout.
"I was about to send all my friends a new 'What Kate Hudson Movie Are You' quiz, but until Facebook takes care of this issue, no way is that going to happen," he said.
Speaking to reporters, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg said he was "stunned" by the outrage the new profile layout had caused: "If anyone should have his finger on the pulse of people with no lives, it should be me." More here.
The Los Angeles Times says Andy Borowitz has "one of the funniest Twitter feeds around." Follow Andy on Twitter here.
Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport