07/09/2009 10:50 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

North Korea Reveals It Has Been Running Microsoft Customer Service for Years

In a frontal assault on America's computers, North Korea revealed today that it successfully infiltrated Microsoft customer service and has been running the company's calling centers for years.

Pyongyang said that it had "absolute control" over Microsoft's customer help lines and that it had been dispensing erroneous advice to Windows users with the intent of making their computers crash.

In the most stunning revelation, North Korean President Kim Jong-Il said that he had personally dispensed help to customers regarding Microsoft's Vista operating system.

"If you called Microsoft and were talking to a representative named 'Jamie,' that was actually me," the North Korean dictator said. More here.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and the author of "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition."