Northwest's New Motto: "We'll Get You Within 150 Miles of There"

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) - Trying to make the best of what could be a public relations disaster, Northwest Airlines today unveiled a new corporate slogan, "We'll Get You Within 150 Miles of There."

According to Carol Foyler, a Northwest spokesperson, the new slogan "reflects our dedication to getting our passengers as close as possible to their intended destination."

Northwest timed the announcement of their new slogan to coincide with the launch of their new Sleeper Service™.

The new sleeper service provides fully reclining seats, pillows and blankets for all travelers seated in the cockpit area.

According to Ms. Foyler, "Our new Sleeper Service ™ should reassure all Northwest travelers that our pilots are the best-rested in the industry." More here.

 

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[zjin]

Even if the pilots weren't asleep at the throttle, they might as well have been.

[therealredstateblues]

this is business as usual for Northworst.

My last flight on them a couple month ago trying to get home from New England.

we sat on the tarmac for an 1 1/2 before they pulled back to the gate and got everyone off. they wouldn't be able to get me home till 3:30 the next day!

I had them put me on a plane to detroit and then rented a car and drove the rest of the way home

so it is true they do get you within 150 miles of your destination!

[blindhog]

Looking on it now, I could see the plane running out of fuel. After 9-11, I could see the military fighters shooting the plane down.

Man....the tragedy that could have resulted..................

[KarenHurtz]

Yeah, that's funny, but the situation is not. After losing an airlines for an hour and a half, Northwest had to give special instructions to the pilots in order to determine whether or not the plane was being flown by terrorists. Clearly, there should have been an Air Force fighter pilot looking into the cabin window to get that info. The priorities of our government are so out of whack that responses to emergencies - be it run away airliners or the supposed collapse of the financial system - seems to be without logical basis or forethought. There should be a Congressional investigation into the entire matter.

[think global act local]

lol - this one's really funny.

no one was hurt in this incident and most passengers did not even notice. so it is a good thing to mock about.

[hey0there]

maybe something happened in the cockpit that they didn't want anyone to hear. so they made sure to stay out long enough for the black box to start recording over again and then another half hour to make sure it had been overwritten with new innocous information.

[j-tho]

sorry ~ typing too fast ~
that should say "point of fact"

[bweiss]

Maybe if they paid the pilots more than cab drivers they wouldn't mind landing in the right place. Remember when everyone was stunned that the kid flying co-pilot on Flight 3407 that crashed in Buffalo was making about 14k a year and had to fly cross country to get to work to start with? I started leaving a tip in the jar at the cabin door after that.

[edgarcaycedoc]

Hey Andy . . . I love you in "Funny Times" and read here every post. It is good to have a little humor to brighten the day.

[Maggie Van Ostrand - Huffpost Blogger]

I love this guy. To get this up and running practically minutes after the story broke ... well, like I said, I just love this guy.

[Dosadi]

Arguing is stupid but legal.

[sushai]

I'm not sure why the pilots would rather we believe they were arguing, not sleeping. Is that so much better?