WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) -- Concerned that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak did not receive his message to begin a peaceful transition to democratic reforms, President Barack Obama said today that he would resend the message, "but this time in all caps."
Mr. Obama said that while he hoped sending a capitalized version of the message would be effective, "we have a variety of other options at our disposal, including resending it in bold."
In the days since it became clear that Mr. Mubarak did not receive the White House's initial message, Mr. Obama has been huddling with advisers to discuss a range of more drastic options, including changing the message's font altogether.
"We are fully prepared to go to a stronger font if that will help make our point to Mubarak," said one aide who spoke on condition of anonymity. "Right now every font is on the table except Comic Sans."
On the Republican side, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said that she would refrain from commenting on the situation in Egypt until she learned how to pronounce "Mubarak."
Meanwhile, at the National Prayer Breakfast, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio) led all Americans in praying that they never need healthcare. More here.
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