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Obama Transfers Balls to Lieberman in White House Ceremony

12/16/2009 10:58 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In a White House ceremony that many historians are calling unprecedented, President Barack Obama today transferred his balls to the custody of Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman.

Called the "Balls Summit" by White House aides, the ceremony was intended as an official acknowledgment of Mr. Lieberman's complete control of the nation's health care future.

"There are now four branches of government," the President said. "Executive, Legislative, Judicial, and Lieberman."

Mr. Lieberman explained his decision to oppose the Medicare buy-in he supported just three months ago, saying, "I'm a bigger dick now." More here.

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