LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) -- Responding to outrage over the omission of Hollywood luminaries Bea Arthur and Farrah Fawcett from this year's montage of recently departed stars, the Oscars announced today that next year the ceremony would double the number of dead people in the segment.
"We doubled the number of Best Picture nominees this year, and look what that did for our ratings," said Buddy Schlantz, a spokesman for the Academy. "Doubling the number of dead people should blow the roof off this thing."
Mr. Schlantz said that the decision to open up the montage to more dead people was "long overdue," adding, "Dead people are an important audience for us."
"The reality is, in the course of the three and a half hour broadcast, a significant part of our viewership will die," he said.
In other Hollywood news, director James Cameron announced that his next film will be a sci-fi adventure about a supreme being who blows up his ex-wife's planet. More here.