THE BLOG
11/27/2008 01:40 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Palin Offers Thankfulnesses

In order to celebrate Thanksgiving, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued what she called "my list of thankfulnesses":

The first thankfulness being that I'm thankful for this turkey, and also too for the metal funnel thingy that cut the turkey's head clean off while it was flapping its wings trying to get out and all. That was fun.

The next thankfulness being that I'm thankful that Levi is going to marry our Bristol, and I'm hoping also that we'll know soon what his location is.

Another thankfulness too being that I'm thankful for Sen. Ted Stevens, because compared to what he did and all it doesn't seem like a big deal if you tried to get some dumb old trooper fired.

My next thankfulness being I have thankfulness for our President-elect Barack Obama, and proudness, too, even though he probably is spending Thanksgiving palling around with Bill Ayres and Osama bin Laden and the Unabomber also.

A darned important thankfulness being I'm sure thankful that when the lawyers from the RNC came to take back all of that clothing they didn't check under Piper's bed. Good job, Piper!

And my last thankfulness, which I saved for last because it is the most important thankfulness, would be the turkey again also. I'm thankful that God created turkeys with so many tiny little bones in them and also too I hope Katie Couric chokes on one.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.