NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - News of a possible John Edwards sex tape has drawn an overwhelmingly negative response from Americans polled on the matter, with a broad majority agreeing with the statement, "Ewww."
When asked, "Can you think of anything more disgusting than a sex tape featuring John Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter," 57% of respondents strongly agreed with the statement, "I can't answer that because I need to go somewhere and vomit right now."
In response to the question, "Would a sex tape featuring John Edwards influence your opinion of him negatively," 54% agreed with the statement, "Stop asking me questions about this! I was serious last time when I said I was going to throw up and I can feel the vomit in the back of my fucking throat." More here.