WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) -- Just hours after rocking the political world with his surprise retirement announcement, Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Ind) said that he would undergo treatment for an "all-consuming addiction" to the popular Facebook game Farmville.
"I realized that I had to make a choice between being a United States senator and tending my imaginary farm," a tearful Mr. Bayh told reporters. "I had to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge that I had a problem."
Majority Leader Harry Reid said that he was shocked by Sen. Bayh's admission, adding, "This is all the more surprising because he hails from a farm state, where there are plenty of actual farms he could take care of."
Elsewhere, a New York Times reporter accused of plagiarism commented on the scandal, calling it "the best of times and the worst of times." More here.