09/30/2008 01:41 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Somali Pirates Take Break for Jewish Holidays

Somaili pirates who stunned the world by seizing a Ukrainian ship in the Gulf of Aden announced today that they would take a brief hiatus from terrorizing the high seas out of respect for the Jewish holidays.

"To all of our Jewish friends, we say a hearty Shana Tova," said pirate spokesman Sugule, moments before the pirates hoisted a Star of David flag over the captured ship.

Sugule took pains to indicate that while the pirates were taking a Rosh Hashanah break from their usual plundering and pillaging schedule, they were doing so only out of respect for Jewish pirates and not because they are Jewish themselves.

"None of us Somali pirates are Jewish," he said. "Except for Abe in accounting, who's half."

In a related story, former president Bill Clinton, who had earlier said he would not campaign for Barack Obama until after the Jewish high holidays, announced today that he would extend his hiatus until Purim, which falls on March 10, 2009.

Responding to Mr. Clinton's decision to remain on the sidelines until four months after the election, Sen. Obama issued the following terse statement: "Oy."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, He hosts "Countdown to the Election, with special guests Joy Behar (The View) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of "The Nine") at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on October 22 at 8 PM. Student tickets half-price. For tickets go to