Amid calls for him to resign, embattled New York Governor Eliot Spitzer held a hastily-scheduled press conference in Albany today.
"After much deliberation, I have decided to resign my membership in the Emperors VIP Club, effective immediately," Mr. Spitzer said. "I hope that in doing so, I will allow the healing to begin."
Mr. Spitzer expressed his regret over the recent sex scandal, telling reporters, "I have let down my fellow Emperors and VIPs, whose privacy has been unfortunately violated."
Under a transition plan worked out with the Emperors VIP Club, Customer Number Ten would immediately succeed Governor Spitzer and become Customer Number Nine.
Mr. Spitzer confirmed that he had already handed over his key to room number 871 in the Mayflower Hotel to his successor.
In a parting shot, Gov. Spitzer lashed out at the New York Post for serving up "an embarrassingly unimaginative headline" the morning after the sex scandal broke.
"I gave you a juicy story like this, and the best you could come up with was 'Ho, No'?" the governor said.
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.