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Three Things to Remember on Election Day

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) -- As you head to the polls today, please keep these three things in mind:

1) Don't be intimidated by electronic voting machines. There are simple instructions in English, Spanish, and Tea Party.

2) Your vote is precious. Politicians have spent billions trying to buy it.

3) Please vote because every vote is counted. (Offer not available in Florida.)

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