01/09/2010 10:39 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Tiger's Penis Signs Seven-Figure Book Deal

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - In a development that raised more than a few eyebrows in the fusty world of publishing, Tiger Woods' penis today signed a seven-figure book deal with Simon and Schuster.

Tracy Klugian, a top book agent who represented Mr. Woods' penis in the deal, said that the book would be "tell-all memoir that would give a penis's eye view of the raunchy world of professional golf."

Mr. Woods' member was not in attendance at the press conference announcing the deal, but Mr. Klugian said that the penis was "totally stoked" about the size of the contract.

"This is the biggest book deal ever signed by a prick, and that includes Dick Cheney's memoir," he said.

When asked if Mr. Woods' penis was capable of writing a full-length memoir without the aid of a ghostwriter, Klugian said, "Who do you think sent all of those texts?" More here.