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U.S. Could Get Olympics in 2016, Health Care in 3016

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - President Barack Obama attempted to quell criticism that his mission to secure the Olympics for his hometown of Chicago was a distraction, telling reporters that the U.S. was "on track" to get the Olympics in 2016 and health care reform in 3016.

"I know that some say I have too much on my plate with this health care plan to go running after the Olympics," Mr. Obama said. "But I am more determined than ever to get health care done in the next thousand years."

Some reporters noted that by setting a 3016 deadline for passage of a plan, the President was prioritizing the Olympics ahead of health care, but Mr. Obama denied that this was the case.

"As President, you have to do a lot of things at the same time," he said. "For example, I also intend to force Iran to submit to weapon inspections by 4016."

Responding to the President's 3016 deadline for passing health care reform, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) said, "Let's not be hasty here." More here.