A Thanksgiving turkey "pardoned" in a White House ceremony this week escaped from its captors and went on what District of Columbia police called "a thrill-kill rampage."
Moments after President Bush pardoned the turkey in what has become a Rose Garden tradition, the eighteen-pound bird eluded its Secret Service escort, stole a White House vehicle and sped off down Pennsylvania Avenue.
The turkey injured five motorists and three pedestrians before it could be apprehended, D.C. police said today.
According to officers at the scene of its arrest, the turkey was "totally without remorse," a factor which could weigh heavily if and when the turkey is put on trial for federal crimes.
While White House officials condemned the turkey's behavior, others laid the blame at the feet of genetic engineering, which produced the murderous fowl.
The turkey, sources say, was an experimental bird created by PoultryZyme Farms, a genetic engineering firm in Silicon Valley.
It was supposed to be the first of a new generation of "self-killing turkeys," said a scientist familiar with the turkey.
"Apparently, not all of the kinks have been worked out yet," the scientist said.
On Capitol Hill, Congressional leaders said that the turkey's rampage was yet another argument for increased Congressional oversight of Presidential pardons.
"First Scooter Libby, and now this," said House Speaker Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).
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