Other Things Tea Party Crowds Break Into Applause For

09/26/2011 03:40 pm ET | Updated Nov 23, 2011

The execution of a potentially innocent person, the death of a comatose man without healthcare -- these warm and fuzzy topics are just some of the many things Tea Party crowds cheer for. Of course when they're not booing gays and lesbians who, by their own definition, are "defending their freedom."

But anyway, during future GOP debates, what else will the Tea Party suddenly and slack-jawedly burst into applause for?

  • When the Empire storms the rebel base on Hoth in the film Empire Strikes Back.
  • When Santa Clause, instead of filling it with goodies, takes a big crap in a child's stocking.
  • when food is being dangled in front of third world children for the purpose of propelling a Dark Ages-era wooden cart.
  • When rainbows are suddenly given mass, crushing thousands yearly... and beautifully.
  • When people wave their arms on the side of the road with car trouble. Also, they're irresponsibly on fire.
  • When toddlers aren't allowed to eat until they earn it by learning to walk and getting it themselves. Also, they're irresponsibly on fire.
  • When U.S. based companies increase profits by not paying taxes and also by raping a Care Bear every now and then. Especially Sluts-a-Lot Bear. Oh yeah, Sluts-a-Lot Bear is always asking for it.
  • When Old Yeller is shot because he isn't taking responsibility for his own dog health.
  • When people are shot with guns. Especially if they're paying taxes or hating freedom at the time. And they're not White. And the person shooting them is White. Also, both are irresponsibly on fire.
  • When a boner is smashed with a large, leather-bound, heavily annotated Bible.