02/13/2011 06:00 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Shocking New Evidence That Forced Hosni Mubarak's Resignation

What began as a moderately peaceful protest has escalated into full-blown chaos in the streets of Cairo. Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak refused to resign, sending the already frenzied protesters into a rage. Leaders from around the world were slow to take a hard stance on the developing story out of Egypt. No one wanted to be the one who took the wrong side when this conflict finally blew over.

But Friday President Hosni Mubarak stepped down. And I have discovered the reason.

While doing my daily browsing of Craigslist Egypt to find a sweet, ancient Egyptian couch and maybe even an Akhenaten era ping pong table that some grave robber is just going to throw to the curb anyway, I made this shocking discovery...


Hidden deep within the "Men Seeking Arab Republics" section...


And the evidence gathered from "Hotni" Mubarak's scandalous Craigslist entry is indeed damning...


What was I doing in the "Men Seeking Arab Republics" section? Mind your own business. My fetish for Arab nation states which rule in accordance with Islamic law while still being controlled supremely by the people isn't the issue here. This news-shattering news goes beyond that. This is the leverage protesting Egyptians were looking for.

President Mubarak, you've done the honorable thing and resigned from office. Your Craigslist trysts are finally out in the open. You've only brought shame and embarrassment on yourself, Mr. Egyptian President.

And admit it, you never wanted Egypt. Egypt was just a cougar-esque fling while you kept your eyes peeled for some younger piece of Assyria. One with fewer cats. Because you've got allergies.

Cats and democracy, President Mubarak, that's what you're allergic to. And this wasn't a great time for you to be president of Egypt, not with so much cat-powered democracy in the air. Good choice.