02/16/2012 10:00 am ET | Updated Apr 17, 2012

The Photo Booth Relationship Microcosm

Valentine's Day is over. The flowers now start to wilt. The unwanted chocolate truffle with the jelly center sits, waiting for its day in the garbage. And the photo booth photo strip will begin its new life on someone's refrigerator.

What's better than a photo booth when you're in the early stages of becoming crazy in love with someone? It has all the characteristics of a mini couple's retreat. You're secluded. The whole focus is the two of you. And chances are the guy will ask for a blowjob and be denied.

Four photos. That's usually all you get. Four photos to show your whole range of emotions as a couple. You're going to show this machine what's up, walk out of that booth and say, "That photo booth didn't know what a couple madly in love was before we showed up and melted its machine eyes right out of its fucking machine kiosk carcass."

After seeing the photo booth sessions of so many couples, I've come to the conclusion that 99% of them consist of a strip of these four types of photos (represented by the following drawings).


We start with a kiss. Just an innocent kiss. After all, that's how our relationship began. Well, that and a few months of Facebook stalking. There's a little apprehension here, because we just stepped into this. Everyone walks into a new photo booth like they never have before.

Now that we're comfortable, let's lick each other! Because we're madly in love and we don't care who knows it and that translates to licking each other! Even though getting physical may be our way of overcompensating for the lack of substance in the photo booth...

Damn, our love is uninhibited! The passion!

And now our crazy passion has turned just plain crazy. It's time for weird faces! The passion in our photo booth relationship has fizzled a bit, and in our boredom we've decided to conceive a few oddball faces. Crossed eyes and tongues out and ears pulled and noses pushed up and checks blown up! Your nose, my eyes, our ears -- the excitement is back, baby!

But then the laughter dies down and the routine sets in. We get comfortable. Everything's fine. At least, that's what our smiles say. We're both smiling. But it's only a smile. We can't think of anything new to do, so we just smile, family portrait style.

Finally, after the indulging of innocence and passion and silliness and comfort turns to overindulging, we break from the photo booth. Amicably.

There will be other photo booths, but not like this one. Not like this one.