With just two days left until the most historic presidential election in our nation's history, it appears from the major national polls and electoral map that Democratic Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. Joe Biden are racing towards victory, while the GOP's Sen. John McCain and his running mate Gov. Sarah Palin are fast headed back to Arizona and the igloo-with-the-view (of Russia).
To be sure, as the Straight Talk Express heads West Wednesday morning, I will not be mourning the absence of McNasty and the Wacky Wasilla Wonder from the national stage. In fact, there are many things in particular that I most definitely will not miss (in no particular order):
1. I will not miss McCain and Palin's repeated lies about Obama's tax policies
2. I will not miss the phrase "spreading the wealth"
3. I will not miss McCain constantly saying that Obama is "measuring the drapes"
4. I will not miss McCain incessantly reSURGEitating that we're winning the Iraq war
5. I will not miss being told I live in the "unpatriotic" part of the USA
6. I will not miss hearing that trickle down economics is the way to keep America strong despite the fact that it's nearly destroyed us financially during the past eight years
7. I will not miss Cindy McCain standing behind her man at rallies nodding approvingly like a sedated Stepford Wife
8. I will not miss McCain and Palin's brand of McCarthyism, as they relentlessly refer to Obama as a socialist, elitist, terrorist and any other slur that ends in "ist"
9. I will not miss the reprehensible propaganda that Obama's a Muslim
10. I will not miss McCain and Palin twisting Biden's words about Obama being tested
11. I will not miss McCain and Palin's non-stop nastiness, sarcasm and
12. I will not miss all the "maverick" talk
13. I will not miss the nonsense about McCain and Palin "cleaning up Washington"
14. I will not miss Sarah Palin. Especially her painfully grating voice
15. I will not miss all the "gosh-darnits" and "you betchas"
16. I will not miss Palin's views on the role of the vice president
17. I will not miss McCain accusing Obama of being a "celebrity," when his choice of Palin was purely a cheap political stunt designed to turn her into a celebrity
18. I sure as hell won't miss Joe the Plumber...the unlicensed, lien-fighting GOP stooge who just hired a talent manager to extend his annoying 15 minutes of fame despite the fact that we're already sick of him
19. I will not miss the curb-like depths that McPalin's campaign has sunk to and which have empowered miscreants like North Carolina's Sen. Elizabeth Dole to create outrageously offensive "Godless" snear ads directed at her opponent Kay Hagen. That's right Kay, sue the friggin' crap out of her, baby!
20. I will not miss McCain saying "My Friends" 800 times during a 10-minute speech
21. I will not miss the phrase "country first"
22. I will not miss the blatant hypocrisy and classic Freudian Projection of McPalin
23. I will not miss The View's Elizabeth Hasselbeck's embarrassing attempt to sound like anything but a brainwashed, Kool-Aid-drunken Republican dunce pathetically trying to defend McPalin
24. I will not miss the so-called "undecideds" who, despite having two candidates who are diabolically opposed on every single major issue, are still "torn"
25. I will not miss the undeniable end to the sleezy Rovian era of GOP politics.
I will, however, greatly miss Tina Fey.
Follow Andy Ostroy on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AndyOstroy