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An Open Letter to Sarah Palin

06/13/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Dear Sarah,

Let me start off by saying I am not a fan. Quite the contrary. In fact, I think you're terribly misinformed, misguided, intellectually deficient, woefully unprepared, sarcastic and mean-spirited... and with a voice that is a gazillion times more grating than nails on a chalkboard. There is absolutely nothing I like, admire, or respect about you. Nada. Zippo. And I am not alone. Even most Republicans agree with me, judging from how your stint as John McCain's ill-fated running-mate was the kiss of death for the majority of conservative voters.

The idea of you running for president in 2012 is laughable. A joke. A Fairbanks fantasy. You are beyond ill-equipped for the job. You stand as much chance of winning the presidency as I do. Which is exactly why I am begging you to run.

Please. Run for president. And somehow also brainwash enough of your fellow misguided Tea Baggers that folks like me are dead wrong about you so they'll vote for you in the GOP primary. This is my fantasy.

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In a perfect political world, you'd be President Obama's Republican challenger in the 2012 election. I'm soiling myself just thinking about it. Because you would make history. And not in a good way. Not in any way that would make Michelle Bachmann proud.

No, the truth is, you would become the GOP's debacle heard 'round the world. It would be the sort of landslide they'd be talking about in Poli Sci classes for years to come. You'd become an American political case-study. Because outside of a half-dozen wacko Tea Baggers, no one would vote for you. And then you'd be a universal laughingstock and maybe then you'd finally go away for good.

So Sarah, please run. Do it for America. Give us the kind of hopey-changey stuff we're truly longing for....

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