Strap yourselves in kids, for the final weeks of the presidential campaign promises to be the dirtiest, ugliest and most divisive in American history. And that's just fine with me, because the more Sen. John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin attack the character of Sen. Barack Obama with shameless, baseless, outrageous accusations, the faster and more decisively Obama is pulling away with the election.
Team-McCain is beyond desperate, and as they see the White House increasingly slipping away, they've been ratcheting up the intensity and outlandishness of the attacks. Judging from the electoral map and every major national and state-by-state poll, it's clearly not working, as voters -- worried about their jobs, their homes and their savings amid the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression -- are screaming enough. They're sick of McPalin's brand of smear-politics. What they want is a plan to rescue the country from its chilling economic meltdown. What they want is some meaningful assurance that their financial world isn't coming to an end. What they want is leadership. What they don't want is a non-stop barrage of "Sen. Obama pals around with terrorists."
But again, I say "Bravo Sen. McCain, bravo Gov. Palin, keep up the fine work!" For you two have done more in the last three weeks to appreciably aid Obama's campaign than the candidate himself. Give us more, please. Lots more. We want more talk of 1960's radical and terrorist William Ayers, and his supposed "close" relationship with Obama. In fact, we'd actually like you to call Obama a terrorist. That's right, don't pull any punches. Just come right out with it and say he's on bin Laden's payroll.
And what happened to Rev. Jeremiah Wright? It's been so long since you guys harped on that "scandal." Bring him back, in all his "God damn America" glory! Re-connect him to Obama, and say they both hate white people. We also want more flag-pin talk. More Michelle Obama bashing. More "elitist" accusations. And let's not forget Obama's drug use twenty-five years ago. C'mon, Johnny, a president who smoked pot and did "blow?" Are you and the saucy stew gonna let him get away with that unchecked!? Don't forget that's he's also a lightweight. No, not in terms of political inexperience, I'm saying the dude is literally skinny! Way too thin to be president, no? Start calling him anorexic. It's time to get creative here. Who the hell wants a radical terrorist socialist elitist manorexic president? (btw, can you be both socialist and elitist?) Surely this'll resonate with voters...just as soon as they're done calculating that they'll have to work until they're 160 now that their savings are eroding faster than President Bush's approval ratings.
Yes, Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin, just keep talking. With unemployment, bankruptcies and home foreclosures soaring and Americans' nest eggs hemorrhaging and the collapse of global markets threatening our security, just please keep talking about everything that's so utterly of no interest to the vast majority of Democratic, Republican and Independent voters. It's music to our ears.