The Death of Michael Jackson: Time for Compassion Not Vilification

By now you'd have to be living under a rock not to know that legendary pop icon Michael Jackson has died at the age of 50. So I will skip the details. I know an awful lot about sudden, premature death given that my wife -- the actor, writer, director Adrienne Shelly (Waitress) was brutally murdered in November 2006. But the tragic irony is that Adrienne died at the absolute happiest point in her entire life. Michael Jackson, like Elvis, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Anna Nicole Smith and countless others before him, were extremely tortured souls. They died miserable. Lonely. Drugged. Hating life. And for this they deserve our compassion, not our scorn. Now is not a time to vilify Jackson for his alleged child molestation crimes. We should have it in our hearts to forgive his past transgressions, no matter how despicable, and simply mourn his passing with dignity and sympathy.

Like so many, I grew up with Michael Jackson, his music serving as the soundtrack to much of my life. Watching the Jackson Five cartoon on Saturday mornings as a young boy. Kissing my first girlfriend as "I'll Be There" played. College and Off the Wall. Thriller, which carried me as I moved to Los Angeles to begin a new life with my new wife. "We Are the World" back in New York as our daughter Emily was about to be born. I know I'm not alone when I say I feel as though a little piece of me died Thursday as well. It's ok to feel that way. It doesn't excuse the horrible crimes against children he may have committed. It just means we're human. And we can feel pain and sorrow even under such difficult, incomprehensible, unconscionable circumstances.

My dear late wife gave me many gifts, one of them being an ability to feel compassion for and to forgive those who have said and done hurtful things. "Rather than be mad at them," she'd say, "maybe we can try to understand why they did or said these things." She believed that they acted out because they were in such emotional pain and turmoil that they couldn't help themselves. Feel sorry for them, she'd say, instead of feeling anger. Wise little sage, that Adrienne was. I've since lived my life according to that principle. And it's made me a much kinder, happier individual. Perhaps we could all use a little of this compassion today.

Few of us could truly understand what it must feel like to see the man in the mirror each day and feel such intense disgust and self-hatred. Haunted by terrifying inner demons. So much so that, among so many bizarre acts, you begin a series of surgeries that leave you horribly disfigured and the subject of constant ridicule. Make no mistake, Jackson was a very disturbed, sick man. And no amount of fame and fortune was able to change that.

Today is a day to celebrate Michael Jackson's incredible talents and the many gifts he left as part of his iconic legacy. But it's also time to recognize that a mother lost a son. That children lost the only parent they know and love. We must feel the same compassion for them as we do for the children Jackson allegedly abused.

I listened to Jackson at the gym this morning. As each song played on the iPod, my life literally flashed in my head. Now that he's gone, the appreciation of his gigantic talent, and the tremendous impact it's had on pop culture, inspiring everyone from Justin Timberlake and Usher to Chris Brown and Madonna, has really hit home. Death sucks. Rest in peace MJ. Your painful journey is finally over.

Comments

[ProfessorDuh]

Compassion won't help Jackson now. He's dead.

[anick]

Andy I pray that you will find complete healing for your soul after the tragic death of your wife. She sounded like she wAs a very compassionate, wise AND loving lady you were truly blessed to have had her in your life and I'm sure that she will be loved and remember for all of the wonderful moments thAt she made you feel Love, Joy. Peace and special.

Now this is an example of how you show compassion for someone that you did'nt really know.. only what others said they were like.... his FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FANS LOVE HIM TOO

May God Bless you

[Shayrae]

This is a kind of tribute to Michael's genius and the legacy he leaves behind. However, the references to the allegations of child molestations could have been left out. Anyone who isn't living under a rock already knows about this stuff. Thanks. I think.
PS: I'm sorry about your Adrienne. She had to be a wonderfully wise lady.

[Andy Ostroy - Huffpost Blogger]

Justin and Shayrae, you're both missing the main point of my piece. The death of MJ has obviously stirred a lot of very visceral emotions. So many people seem unable to feel sorrow because of the child molestation accusations, and have even gotten quite nasty in their attacks. I am neither paying Jackson any compliments nor trying to indict him in death. I am simply suggesting that, yes, while there were horrific charges levied against him over the years, we still should rise above the vitriole and show some compassion over his sudden and tragic passing. Now is not the time to be mean-spiritied and vindictive. And it would be impossible for me to make this point without making the necessary contextual references to the accusations.

[b11238]

You should also remind them that he was found innocent. Maybe you should have put that in your piece because it clarifies the charges. It surprises me how many, when mentioning the accusations, leave out the result.

[JustinS86]

What a back handed compliment you delive here sir. You have managed to sing his praises while undermining him at the same time. Your articles is full of rotten contradictions leaving the reader confused. The torture that you so grossly mention comes from articles like these where we talk about how great a celebrity for the things they have accomplished yet spit in their faces with our licentious opinions of former transgressions.
If you want to remember him fondly, then do so.

[leesean]

Scream! I can’t believe Michael’s gone.

Despite the allegations, we should have never judged you. We should have started with the Man in the Mirror. You said, “Leave Me Alone.” Your critics and detractors can just Beat It now.

It didn’t matter if you were Black or White. You could be a nerd, a jock, a hipster, or the toughest hardest thug out there, but when an MJ track came on, even the most reticent of wallflowers would get down and dance. You said Don’t Stop ’til You Get Enough, and we didn’t. The scene would be Off the Wall. The aftermath was Blood on the Dance Floor.

We knew you were Dangerous and a Smooth Criminal too. And we loved you for it. We knew you were Bad. And by Bad, I mean you were awesome and utterly ruled as the King of Pop. The King is dead. Long live the King. (We loved how you got down with the other King’s daughter too.)

Even if we couldn’t Heal The World, your music formed the soundtrack to HIStory.

You were a Dancing Machine. Your life was a real Thriller. Thanks for the music and thanks for being you. You, like Ryan White, are Gone Too Soon. We’ll always Remember The Time we spent with you. You Are Not Alone now. You’ve left Neverland, but we know you’re moonwalking with other heroes up in heaven now.

Continued: http://leesean.net/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-rip/

[preatorius]

It is presumptious of you to say that you know how these people felt about life.

By the way, you are right about honoring the memory of the dead.

[Kimberly Denise]

Thank you Andy. You have eloquently written my thoughts and feelings.