THE BLOG
05/11/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Who Will Rid the World of Clint Eastwood's Films?

The world's most overrated film director has announced he has no plans to quit directing anytime soon. Terrific. Wonderful news. Hang out the bunting!

Clint's next project - film number 36, I believe - is a biopic of J. Edgar Hoover and his days as the controversial director of the FBI.

Will it be a musical? A comedy? A noir thriller? No. It will be a literal-minded tale, free from dramatic devices such as irony, metaphor or anything that might make the darn thing interesting.

In other words, yet another simple-minded snooze fest, just like his recent films Invictus or, God forbid, the insultingly bad Gran Torino.

It could be worse. Ol' granite-face might decide to "act." As Italian director Sergio Leone noted, Clint Eastwood can do two expressions: "Hat on and hat off."

And as writer Allen Barra points out in a ferocious takedown published here:

Leone was being generous. If you have a huge chunk of time on your hands, try watching the Leone-Eastwood Spaghetti Westerns and the Dirty Harry films and ask yourself whether it really makes a difference to Eastwood's performance if he's wearing a hat. Then watch the comedies in which he costarred with an orangutan and Tightrope (1984), in which he costarred with Genevieve Bujold, and see if you can detect any variation in Eastwood's performances.

Why does the Academy continue to throw plaudits at this right wing blowhard - Pauline Kael famously called Dirty Harry "fascistic" - who hasn't made a watchable film since 1992's Unforgiven?

Stephen Spielberg and Woody Allen haven't yet won as many Oscars as Clint.

I know. The mind boggles. Patience dwindles. Credulity flees.

Who will rid the world of Clint Eastwood's movies?

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