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Russia to Build 'Wall of Freedom'

04/09/2014 05:08 pm ET | Updated Jun 08, 2014

Vladimir Putin, in a closed door speech to the Duma, announced that in keeping with his aim of bringing back the glories of the Soviet Union, would build the "Wall of Freedom" to keep out the corroding effects of western influence.

"The Iron Curtain is nothing compared to the Wall of Freedom. The new wall will once and for all keep out those foreign dogmas like democracy, financial transparency and judicial due process. All of which are antithetical to the ideals of the Russian people, who are us."

The applause rang in the chambers.

"Effective immediately, I am bringing back, no, I am EMBRACING the basic Russian values of secrecy, gaming the system and privilege. And yes, the people WILL stand in line for bananas again!'

Deputies leapt to their feet with each new exhortation. Finally, someone was telling it like it was.

But Putin wasn't done.

"Crimea is just the beginning. The Black Sea is ours. French beaches? Who cares? We don't need the French Riviera. Soon you can spend your rubles from the Baltic Sea to the Great Wall of China!! We own this country. Remember cronyism? You ain't seen nothing yet tavarich!!!

And again the deputies sprang to their feet.

"We have everything we need. Oil, gas and caviar!! We don't need the western media. Russia Today is bought and paid for. You want propaganda? We invented the word!!!"

"So go out there and take what is yours. And don't worry about getting caught. We own the judges and we own the courts."

And with that, the cheering deputies hoisted Putin onto their shoulders and chanting "Magnitsky, Magnitsky, Magnitsky," marched out into the Moscow night, to party like it was 1949 all over again.

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