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Angela Keck Headshot

I See You There, Judging My Child

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I see you there, shaking your head in silent judgment as my son argues with me in public.

I see you there, making a face and rolling your eyes when my son doesn't behave the way society expects him to behave in public places.

I see you there, telling your son not to play with, or talk to, my son because you think he's a bad kid, a disrespectful kid, a problem kid.

My son doesn't notice you, he's too busy to be concerned by what other people think of him, but I notice you. I see the judgment on your face.

Do you think that I can't see you?  Do you think that somehow I love my child less than you love yours because God made him special? Do you think that somehow you and your child are better than me and my child because you don't have the same issues that we do?

Do you know how hard it is for me to remain silent when I see you judging my child? Do you know how badly I want to call you out in front of everyone here and say, "I see you! I see you judging us!", but unlike my son, I am hesitant to make a scene. More importantly, he hasn't noticed you yet and I'd prefer he never does. I'd prefer he never realize that some people judge him and find him lacking in some way. He is perfectly happy with who he is, he's perfectly content in his own skin, he doesn't think he has any issues at all. I'd prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Every person on this planet has some kind of issue. Perfection is an illusion. It just may be that your flaw is judging other people. It's definitely a flaw, to be clear, it's just unclear if that is your only one.

There are a lot of things about my child that you don't see. You don't know that he loves me with his whole heart, without reservation and without hesitation. You don't see that he is fiercely protective of people that he loves and he would be deeply upset to know that you had upset me with your actions. You don't see that he is an amazing student and gets fantastic grades at school. You don't see that sometimes he frustrates me beyond belief, but he is my child and I love him just as fiercely as he loves me. You don't see that he is very funny! That his unique perspective, and view of life, combined with the fact that he has no hesitation to point out anything he notices often makes me laugh until I have tears rolling down my face. You don't see that he feels things deeper than most people, that includes both joy and hurt.

No, you don't see any of that because you don't care. All you care about is that he is talking a little too loudly for your taste. That he is distracted by a piece of fuzz on his shirt when he should be listening. That he is emotional at times, and gets upset easily. Because of these things you've decided he's a bad kid, that he's unintelligent, and that he's not worthy of your time or attention.

Guess what? You are not worthy of mine either. I choose him a thousand times over spending two seconds with you. I choose spending time with a thousand people just like him over spending any time at all with one person like you.

Do you know why?

He is honest, he is authentic, and he doesn't judge other people. He has empathy, he has compassion, and he cares about other people. He is always working to be the best that he can be, and he doesn't waste his time, his life, on looking down at other people. He's enjoying his life and he is enjoying everything that crosses his path.

Don't you wish you could say the same?